9. Theory

Chapter Synopsis

Edward is driving Bella home, and she’s asking him a bunch of questions. Bella shares the story Jacob Black told her (about werewolves and vampires and pacts, OH MY!) and all about the gumshoe research she did on the interwebs leading her to believe that the Cullens are vampires. Edward flips when Bella tells him it doesn’t matter if he is a vampire or is, in fact, a real boy.

Edward takes this opportunity to give Bella the rundown of what being a vampire is really like — turns out Buffy, Underworld and Blade have lied to us our entire lives. He explains how the Cullens only feed on our poor four-legged mammalian friends (AKA, Bambi), and not humans. He keeps explaining to Bella that it is too dangerous for them to “get together.”

Despite this, Bella makes him promise he will be in school the next day because she can’t handle not seeing him. Edward drops her off at the house, and Jess calls her to remind her she left her jacket in Jess’s car. What a way to end the chapter.

Best Worst Lines

“About three things I was absolutely positive. First, Edward was a vampire. Second, there was part of him — and I didn’t know how potent that part might be — that thirsted for my blood. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.” (195)

Things That Irk Us

Bella is turned on by the fact Edward wants to eat her. Does this not bother anyone else? And the fact that, when Edward breathes on her face, she jizzes in her pants a little bit? Edward, in turn, is frustrated by the fact that Bella isn’t repulsed by him. ANGSTY ANGSTY SAD SAD — such confused teens.

Begin multitude of speeding car scenes. Apparently, there are no cops in this part of the country; all the way down to Arizona (but that’s for later).

Final Thoughts

Bella is dumb. Dumb, dumb, and more dumb.

Go to Chapter 10.
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9 Responses to “9. Theory”

  1. […] chapter synopses. We’re all the way up to Chapter 10!! (Check out the new stuff here, here, and […]

  2. I haven’t read the books in a while, but just reading your synopsis brings it all back. And it scares me that I used to like this book. Thankfully, I don’t like it at all anymore, and haven’t for a while.

  3. I love the Thinks That Irk you guys! So damn funny!

  4. it bugs me that bella is already “irrevocably” in love when, in fact, this is all she knows about edward:

    1.he is beautiful(never a decent reason on its own)
    2.he wants to eat her(always a turn on…)
    3.he is strong
    4.he stalks her(i know thats what I look for in a guy)
    5.he is a so-called “vegetarian”
    6.he has anger management issues
    7.ummmmmm…. i seem to have run out. notice how there is nothing here about edward’s personality. also, notice how four out these six are about the different things that make him dangerous

    love the blog! it is a breath of fresh air in a teenybopper world

    • Yeah, Bella’s reasons for being in love with Edward are definitely questionable. Eventually, we plan to do a piece on just what makes Edward such a bad (and abusive) boyfriend. So look out for that.

      Also, so glad you’re loving our blog! We’re loving all your comments.

    • Correct me if i’m wrong, but isn’t this the first conversation that ed and bella ever had? Seriously. Who falls in love that fast?

  5. What really amuses me about Twilight is this: IF you were an immortal vampire, tell me WHY on earth would YOU go to bloody high school? ahhhhhh!!!!!!!

    and the fact Bella seems to accept his vampirism so easily and the other bloke’s werewolfism (is there such a word, if not, I just invented it ha ha)

    Come on, in real life, if some bloke you know said to you “Hi, I’m a vampire” wouldn’t you be calling the man in the white coats? or at least be running the other way?

    • You would think so. But, see, then you would be using logic. And logic can not be applied to this crap.

      • I know…someone tell me how this woman became filthy rich by writing the piggest pile of crap…sigh

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