12. Time

Chapter Synopsis

Alice breaks the news to Bella that the two will be having a joint post-graduation bash at the Cullen house. Alice says she wanted to surprise Bella, but she foresaw Bella being more upset that way. As it is, Bella is less than enthused. And, to make matters worse, she realizes she only has a week to go before graduation! Where has the time gone?!? (We say it hasn’t gone by nearly fast enough.) Bella realizes she’s not ready to be changed yet; she still hasn’t figured out how to say goodbye to her loved ones. And, although the idea of being with Edward for eternity sounds swell, she has no clue how to not be human.

Bella goes into an inner-monologue-daze, and eventually finds herself back at her house with Eddie-kins. They sit on the couch while Bella stares out the window into the rain forever. Finally Ed grabs her face and asks her what the hell is wrong. He realizes that she’s not ready, and tells her it’s okay. He doesn’t want her to be changed just because she feels threatened — be it by Victoria, the Volturi, the new unknown “intruder” or otherwise. Edward wants Bella to have a choice, unlike the rest of his marble-y family. Bella tries feebly to argue, but fails.

She finally points out that Edward doesn’t want her to become a vampire (umm, duh, where have you been, Bella?), and she asks him why that is. She’s so insecure. Edward brings up the topic of her soul again, and explains that wanting her to be with him forever makes him feel selfish. Bella can’t believe it. She’s been worried that Edward wouldn’t like her anymore once she gets even pastier and smells different! He gets all lovey dovey and gushes about how he’ll miss things like her blushing and her heartbeat, but tells her that he wants her for always, eternally damned or not.

Edward then turns the questioning on Bella, asking her why she doesn’t want to be his wife. Bella is all embarrassed, which drags the lame explanation out far longer than necessary. Bella tells Edward that she doesn’t want to be that girl who gets married right out of high school. People will talk. In a weird role reversal that doesn’t make any sense to his character, Edward says he was afraid that maybe Bella was just in it for the immortality, and not for his own sparkly bod. Bella laughs. We cringe.

Edward then explains that, back when he was a real boy, he totally would have been that boy — the one to get down on one knee as soon as he found “the one.” Gag. Bella then has a little daydream that involves her and Eddie-poo on a porch swing, dressed in 1800s garb. (Yeah, we don’t get it either. Is it supposed to be romantic?)

So now they both know both sides. But it doesn’t change anything. (Ugggghhhhhh, why did we waste our time then?)

The next morning, Bella skips downstairs and is sidetracked from breakfast by another news story about the murders in Seattle. In the extremely biased and poorly written article, the author suggests the possibility of a serial killer terrorizing the city. Blah blah blah. And then Edward is there, startling Bella, and taking a glance at the story. The Cullens are going to have to do something soon, he says. But Alice can’t seem to see anything about the situation. This bothers her.

Edward suggests that he and Bella skive off classes for the day — he wants to go talk to Jasper. (Wha? Since when was Jasper actually a real character in these books?) Bella is slightly confused, too — she doesn’t know much about Jasper, and has never really paid much attention to him.

They head over to the Cullen house, where they discuss going to Seattle to check things out. Emmett is all for it — he’s bored. Carlizzle is a little concerned about getting involved, and Esme is worried about more innocent people getting killed.

And then Edward reads a thought of Jasper’s — a thought that he says “changes everything.” He invites Jasper to explain, which seems to make Jasper a little uncomfortable. Jasper focuses on Bella, noticing how confused she is. (We’ll let you in on a little secret, Jasper — this is nothing new.) Jasper wants to tell Bella about himself, and begins by rolling up his sleeve to show her a crescent-shaped scar on his wrist — a scar just like the one Bella got from James’ car salesman fangs. But as Jasper moves closer to a lamp and rolls his sleeve up further, Bella notices that his skin is covered in glossy bite-mark-scars. Cue Jasper’s story.

Best Worst Lines

“I didn’t know how to do this. How to say goodbye to Charlie and Renée… to Jacob… to being human.”

“I’d rather not sit around, helpless and delicious, waiting for one of them to catch up with me.”   (Don’t kid yourself, Bella. We don’t think you’d be all that delicious.)

“’There.’ He kissed my forehead. ‘Nothing to worry about.’

I laughed a shaky laugh. ‘Nothing but impending doom.’”   (DOOOOOM.)

“’So… it’s not that you’re afraid you won’t… like me as much when I’m different — when I’m not soft and warm and I don’t smell the same? You really do want to keep me, no matter how I turn out?’” (273)

“’And the sound of your heart,’ he continued, more serious but still smiling a little. ‘It’s the most significant sound in my world. I’m so attuned to it now, I swear I could pick it out from miles away. But neither of these things matter. This,’ he said, taking my face in his hands. ‘You. That’s what I’m keeping. You’ll always be my Bella, you’ll just be a little more durable.’” (274)   (Durable. As in, “I’ll finally be able to fuck you.”)

“’Edward,’ I said, managing to speak more clearly with a little effort, ‘there’s no point to forever without you. I wouldn’t want one day without you.’” (276)   (Gaaag.)

“His liquid gold eyes turned hypnotic as they held mine.”

Things That Really Irk Us

The whole conversation in Bella’s bedroom. Bella and Edward are both so lame and insecure and emo. And Bella’s excuse about not wanting to be that girl cracks us up. You are the biggest Mary Jane that ever was a Mary Jane, Bella. You already are that girl.

The little bit where Bella is picturing herself wearing a big skirt and high-necked blouse. WTF unnecessary.

The article from the Seattle paper. This irks Spider Monkey beyond words. As a journalism major, she can barely even read this. NO story running front-page in a decent-sized (or even not-so-decent-sized) paper would be so biased, sensational, and utterly emotional. Journalists are supposed to be impartial, especially when writing about sensitive topics. You know, like MURDER. No editor would publish a story that could potentially start a panic about a serial killer on the loose. What the hell, SMeyer. We hate you.

Final Thoughts

It appears that Jasper is finally going to start being a real character in this series. It only took him two and a half books. We hope his story is better than Rosalie’s. Even if it is, though, it’ll still probably be a waste of paper. Poor trees.

Go to Chapter 13.
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6 Responses to “12. Time”

  1. I feel like I’ve heard all of this before… hm… oh because we have! Oh My God SMeyer! Same dialog just a litle changes EVERY chapter! Re rehash the same issues over and over again! GAH!

    Hilarious! Bringing back the car salesman thing was funny as hell! XD

  2. I didn’t really understand the transition to Jasper’s story. >>.

  3. Here’s a poem that explains all my thoughts on Twilight.

    Jingle Bells, Twilight smells, the fad needs to go away
    Team Jacob-yuck. Team Edward SUCKS!!!
    Team Wolf Clan all the way…

    Thank you!!!

  4. I’m confused as to why she’s imagining them in 1800’s garb. Edward wasn’t even alive then, right? I thought he was changed during the 1930’s Spanish flu epidemic.

    Damn! Damn, damn, damn!!! I sound like such a nerd.

    • Yeah, that sounds about right. And talk about feeling like nerds — we HATE the fact that we know teeny tiny details about this dumb series from having read each chapter like twice! Though, “nerd” isn’t really right… “sick to our stomachs” would fit much better.

  5. When you said “when he was a real boy” I burst out laughing. I’m not excactly sure why, but I think it was because I imagined Edward with a long wooden nose saying “I’m not a vampire! I’m a real boy!”

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