8. Port Angeles

Chapter Synopsis

Bella goes to Port Angeles with Jessica (the ditz) and Angela (the only one Bella likes) to go dress shopping. Bella is angry that Tyler is convinced he is taking her to prom to make up for nearly killing her. 

Bella wanders off to find a bookstore and tells Jess and Angela she will meet them in an hour. This is followed by Bella getting lost and walking around dark corners alone, where she is then pursued by creepy men, AKA “townies.” 

But then, lo and behold! Edward is there to save the day in his shiny silver Volvo!!!! (Faster than a speeding bullet!) He’s very angry with the men for trying to corner poor, virginal Bella and has her talk to him to distract him from killing them. Oh, teenage vampy angst.

The dynamic duo catch up with Jess and Angela, who have already eaten (despite Bella being only 30 minutes late), so Edward offers to feed Bella (not eat her) and then drive her home. Seemingly, Edward’s sexy pastiness and crooked smile make the waitress want to bone Edward. (He can read her thoughts, you know.) But Edward only has eyes for Bella. In this chapter, we also learn that Edward would be an excellent waiter himself, as he keeps Bella’s glass full of Cola at all times.

Bella asks how Edward knew where she was and that she was in trouble — cue creepy stalker story! Edward explains that he followed her to Port Angeles, and Bella finds this rather endearing (not creepy at all), leading to further confusion about their relationship. Bella also learns Edward can read thoughts — all the while believing he is more than likely of the vampy race. Alas, Bella finds this perfectly normal.

 Edward then drives Bella home, prompting her to ask questions about who and/or what he is.

Best Worst Lines

“I could see from their staggered expressions that he had never unleashed his talents on them before.” (166)

“‘You really shouldn’t do that to people,’ I criticized. ‘It’s hardly fair.’

‘Do what?’

‘Dazzle them like that — she’s probably hyperventilating in the kitchen right now.’

He seemed confused.

‘Oh, come on,’ I said dubiously. ‘You have to know the effect you have on people.’

He tilted his head to one side, and his eyes were curious. ‘I dazzle people?’

‘You haven’t noticed? Do you think everybody gets their way so easily?’

He ignored my questions. ‘Do I dazzle you?’

‘Frequently,’ I admitted. (167-168)

Things That Really Irk Us

The almost rape, but not really rape, but oh wait maybe there will be rape, non-rape scene was far too long. Also, we understand Bella is weak and feeble, but when she is being surrounded in the center of town and thinking of gruesome self defense moves, screaming for help never crosses her mind. At this point, we believe she deserves to die, or at least be sexually assaulted by drunken whore-mongerers. (Okay, okay, so that was perhaps a little uncalled for. But we still maintain that she’s exceedingly dumb.)

The shameless plug for Coca Cola — FAIL!

The constant mentioning of weird colors used to describe everyday objects, like sweaters and eye colors. To make it even better, it was crammed onto one page. Examples: Light beige leather jacket under an ivory turtleneck sweater (hello, Starsky and Hutch). Edward tells Bella that the color blue she is wearing looks lovely with her skin (not creepy at allllllll). Bella mentions Edward’s eyes as being golden butterscoth and his brow as alabaster. (Mmmm… we are hungry.)

Final Thoughts

By far, one of the most drawn-out chapters in the book so far. We feel the creepy love blossoming between these two exceptionally awkward, angsty teens. Our blood is curdling — not boiling from lust — for stalking, blood thirsty, soon-to-be vampy bfs. We asked ourselves aloud, ‘Is it almost over?’ And then when we realized we had 16 more chapters to go, we threw the book across the room. But then we decided to pick it back up for the sake of… amusement, really.

Go to Chapter 9.

9 Responses to “8. Port Angeles”

  1. […] chapter synopses. We’re all the way up to Chapter 10!! (Check out the new stuff here, here, and […]

  2. We are all glad you DID pick it back up.

    PS: You really love the word angsty don’t you? Love this post 🙂

  3. how old is that Bella, i mean she’s drinking Cola, in Holland an Belgium the beer age is 16, i am 14 so i can just buy it

  4. Loving the site so far, but…while I deplore Meyers’ use of the almost-rape as such an obvious damsel in distress signpost, take it easy on the hyperbole. No one, not even fictional emo-teens, *deserves* to be raped. Mkay?

    • Of course you’re right — we would not really wish rape (or death, for that matter, which we also mention often as a suitable soulution for Bella) on anybody. We’re not that cold. We just often get a little overzealous when we’re writing these posts, so we’re sorry about that.

  5. Did you guys know that there is an Italian restaurant in Port Angeles called “La Bella Italia”, which sells mushroom ravioli called “Bella’s Favrotie Pasta”? A bit out of subject, but I thought it was so ridiculous it was funny!

    Love your blog by the way 😉

  6. i just want to melt down edward’s eyes and use them as topping on an ice cream sundae….. mmmmm, boy

  7. as much as the spelling errors & grammatical deficiencies bother me, this shit is hilarious. ❤

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