7. Nightmare
Chapter Synopsis
Bella is trying not to think. But while she does so, she goes on for a ridiculously long time about some music that Phil gave her that she doesn’t even like. Why should we even care?
When she finally falls asleep, she has a nightmare. All her boys are there — Mike, Edward, and Jacob. In the dream, everyone tells her to run, Edward tries to bite her, and Jacob lunges at him in wolf form. Hmm. Could Meyer possibly be trying her hand at foreboding?
The next morning, Bella fights with her slow modem and does some vampy research. She discovers there are some good vampires out there (Stregoni benefici — or “beef stroganof” if you’re us) who are mortal enemies of all evil vampires. Somehow, we don’t remember that part of the vampire myth… After her research, Bella takes a soggy walk in the woods in order to be (yet again) mopey. Her creepy obsession with Edward goes into full swing, as she realizes she doesn’t care if he’s a vampire or not.
At school on Monday, Bella has to knock it into Mike’s thick skull that Jessica wants in his pants. Edward isn’t in school (the sun’s out again), and Bella is torn apart inside. She goes home and curls up with Jane Austen on a blanket in the yard, and ends up falling asleep, awaking at… you guessed — twilight.
Best Worst Lines
This whole chapter is bad, and so we feel we can’t really discriminate for once.
Things That Really Irk Us
The fact that this chapter exists. It is completely pointless and does nothing to move the plot along. We could have spent the time it took us to read this doing something productive — like picking the lint out of our pockets (or bellybuttons), or watching grass grow, or flicking the photo of Stephenie Meyer that’s inside the back cover of this book.
Final Thoughts
Bella is dumber than we thought.
Go to Chapter 8.
beef stroganof. That concludes my comment 🙂
Katreah Knight said this on September 14, 2009 at 9:23 pm |
i love you guys so much. you are so witty and correct. i’d love to see a spoof of all the books from you guys!
hiidontsparkle said this on October 25, 2009 at 7:19 pm |
…or flicking the photo of Stephenie Meyer that’s inside the back cover of this book.
Yes. So much yes.
Paul said this on November 24, 2009 at 12:03 pm |
While researching vampires online, Bella completely misses the obvious. Her computer has a virus.
Caroline said this on November 28, 2009 at 5:59 pm |
i am just disgusted that this book dares to speak the name of austen….oh it makes me mad…
i agree, this chapter is pointless. maybe instead of flick smeyer’s photo in the book, we could all go hunt up the real thing and flick her….right in the center of her forehead…
mackenzie said this on December 8, 2009 at 6:21 pm |
*boing!
Megan, bitch. said this on February 5, 2010 at 3:43 pm |
foreboding?
i think you mean foreshadowing.
(:
maria. said this on December 10, 2009 at 5:46 pm |
Foreboding, foreshadowing — same difference. They’re synonyms. 😉
vampychronicles said this on December 10, 2009 at 7:47 pm |
I thought foreboding was an adjective and foreshadowing was a verb? 😛
EliTheGirl said this on October 8, 2010 at 3:58 pm
Isn’t strega Italian for witch?
D said this on March 3, 2010 at 7:01 pm |
I’m so glad someone else had the “beff stroganof” thought as well!
EliTheGirl said this on October 8, 2010 at 3:57 pm |
If i just learned that vampires exist, the first place i’d go wouldn’t be in the woods at night. That’s where the vampires are. DUH!
Katie said this on January 15, 2011 at 9:28 pm |
Bella has never been very smart.
vampychronicles said this on January 22, 2011 at 2:56 am |
Not just not very, not at all.
Crash said this on March 11, 2011 at 5:09 am