Little Things That Really Irk Us

These are all the little things that bother us about the movie that don’t really fit into any comprehensive review. But we still feel the urge to complain about them anyway.

The fact that the movie has a really good soundtrack. Piss. We knew about Muse waaaay before you did, SMeyer. Like before they were even played in the U.S. So ha.

The lip biting! We wish KStew would just gnaw them off already.

The fact that Forks High School is supposed to be so “tiny,” and yet has a swim team, a biochem class, and a really nice, classy prom with ice sculptures. WE went to a small high school, and this is NOT how it goes.

Bella using her cell phone like a walkie-talkie. Talk on it normal, bitch!

The fact that Bella’s iPod headphones stay in when she almost gets crushed by a van.

The vampires don’t try to jump Tyler when he’s bleeding after crashing his van. Why the hell not??

Our explanation:   DA: Because they don’t like chocolate.     SM: Racist vampires.

The pea coat. Uggghhh. Especially when he pops his collar. Double uggghhh.

All the Forks kids being really immature and annoying.

The way the “bad” vampires dress. All GQ like, instead of like nomads. And in furs. Also, Victoria should have fire-red hair, and she doesn’t. This irks us.

Bella’s Internet connection is supposed to be slooooow.

How much time Edward spends in trees. Is this a pre-requisite for being a veggie-pire?

“You’d better hang on tight, spider monkey.” Really? Really???

The dialogue that’s been taken straight from the book, and is even worse when said aloud. (Like the heroin line, and the “So the lion fell in love with the lamb” exchange.)

The script trying to make Charlie and Billy sound hip. Such as Billy saying, “Just keepin’ it real, son.”

Charlie dragging Billy’s chair up the front steps. Haven’t they been friends long enough for Charlie to build a ramp already??

Stephenie Meyer making a cameo in one of the diner scenes. Who do you think you are, SMeyer? Alfred Hitchcock? Peter Jackson? No. You deserve no cameo.

Bella’s construction boots she wears to the baseball game. WTF?

That there is nice sketch paper and apparently a charcoal pencil on hand in their Phoenix hotel room.

How easily Bella escapes from Jasper and Alice. It wasn’t even a challenge!

The lame vampire fight, and how easy it seems to be to kill James.

Edward sucking the “venom” out of Bella’s arm. This irked us in the book, and it irks us in the film, too. Plus, the look on his face is both priceless and painful.

All the montages in this movie. They are unnecessary. And dumb.

The outfit Bella wears to prom. She’s trying waaaayyy to hard to be indie and hip. Spider Monkey got her revenge on this, though. When she was in New York City, Planet Hollywood had Bella and Edward’s prom outfits on display, and she took plenty of disgusted photos with them.

How long this movie is. BOOM. Bothered.