10. Idiot

10. Why Didn’t I Just Walk Away? Oh Right, Because I’m An Idiot.

Chapter Synopsis

Jacob decides he can’t really suggest to Bella that HE knock her up like Edward wants him to. He already knows that nothing he can say will change Bella’s mind. But he agrees to talk to her anyway. Edward tells the rest of the fam that Bella and Jacob are going to talk alone. Bella is confused, and Rosalie doesn’t want to hear it. But eventually they all empty out of the house, and Jacob sits down in front of Bella.

He tells her she looks hideous. Bella says she knows. She also knows that Edward must have asked Jake to talk some sense into her. Jacob yells at her a little, telling her she’s going through all of this for nothing — she’s going to kill herself, and, therefore, Edward and Jacob, too. But Bella’s off in la-la land, insisting that somehow everything will work out with a little magic, and a touch of vampire venom. She knows she won’t survive her demon baby as a human, but she figures she’ll just become a sparklepire in the process — emergency vampirization. Jacob begs some more, blah blah blah, and Bella refuses to listen. No surprise there.

Jacob then catches a glimpse of Bella’s belly, which is all bruised from the “strong” creature inside. As a last resort, Jacob comes around to the other thing Edward suggested — that perhaps, if a baby is what Bella wants, that she could forget about this demonic one, and have a nicer one with somebody else. Bella is confused at first, but finally sees where Jacob is going. But she has no interest in his furry bod. Plus, she loves THIS baby, even if it’s going to kill her.

Seeing that Bella is clearly dumber than ever, Jacob leaves. Bella begs him to stay, or to at least come back to visit again before the child bursts through her abdomen (now THAT would be a hole!), but Jake ignores her and runs away. He phases in the forest, and the pack is waiting for him, clearly worried that he had become “vampire chow.”

Through the images in his mind, the rest of the pack is clued in to what’s really up at the Cullen house. They all agree to meet immediately, and end up somewhere beyond La Push. They’re all disgusted and shocked by the new information, but eventually the majority of them agree on a few things: Whatever is inside Bella is unnatural. And dangerous. And, while this doesn’t really break the treaty, the demon baby will certainly pose a threat to everyone in Forks, and must therefore be destroyed. And, if the Cullens won’t do it, the pack will have to step up to the task.

Jacob and Seth are against this idea. After all, destroying the baby will mean killing Bella, and killing the rest of the Cullens, too. Jacob cannot possibly think of hurting Bella over a BABY. And Seth has come to like the Cullens — him and Edward are BFFers, remember. Seth suggests the pack just tell the Cullens to pack up and leave. But Sam argues that this will just put other people elsewhere in danger. He’s not a fan of taking a human life, but the situation is just too dangerous to let Bella and the baby live.

Sam eventually uses his speshul Alpha Male powers to order Jacob and Seth to fight. And they’ll do it tonight; they’ll ambush the Cullen house. Sam gives out his orders, and says that whoever has a clear shot at Bella should take it. Jacob is vehemently against this plan — especially since killing Bella and most of the Cullens (chiefly Carlizzle) will amount to no less than murder. But Sam’s word is law, and Jake and Seth have no option but to obey.

Best Worst Lines

“I felt like — like I don’t know what. Like this wasn’t real. Like I was in some Goth version of a bad sitcom. Instead of being the A/V dweeb about to ask the head cheerleader to the prom, I was the finished-second-place werewolf about to ask the vampire’s wife to shack up and procreate. Nice.” (185)

Things That Really Irk Us

Bella is still the stupidest person on the face of the earth. She’s all convinced that everything will end happily-ever-after (which, we’re sure it will, too, because this book sucks), and nothing anybody says can change her mind or make her see how moronic she’s being. Not to mention selfish. She doesn’t even seem worried that this baby could come out and attack and/or kill people she cares about. Because it’s HER demon baby. And she LUVS it, damnit.

Jacob still thinks he has some sort of chance to save Bella or change her mind. Poor Jake. She really doesn’t deserve your concern.

Final Thoughts

We must admit, not being in Bella’s head during this ridiculousness is kind of nice. We can only imagine how crazy and angsty it is in there right now.

Way to lay down the law, Sam. You go attack those Cullens. We’re sure it’ll be a fight of mediocre proportions in which no one will really be harmed in the end. As usual.

Go to Chapter 11.

14 Responses to “10. Idiot”

  1. […] Chapter 10 is now up! Go check it out, maybe leave a comment or […]

  2. At this point, there is no word that to describe this “saga” that hasn’t already been mentioned. This is just so.. pointless and retarded. I’m irked that I can’t find a good word.

  3. The whole idea of this book makes no sense. How are they going to destroy the baby at this stage without killing Bella anyway? If she shows THAT much it would be impossible… I would think. Then again SMeyer would find a way.

  4. Grrr. Damnit, just let the baby kill her! It’s not like anyone would really care… And then maybe the plot would spice up. Maybe. A little.

  5. SMeyer… just wow. New low.

  6. Now I’m imagining a birthing scene a la the chest-busters in the Alien movies. As gross as that would be, I wouldn’t mind if it happened to Bella.

    • Someone already thought of that analogy!
      Careful if you’re squeamish:

      • Hahaha brilliant. The actual birthing scene isn’t so far off… plenty of blood. Stay tuned to read about the ridiculousness.

  7. The only reason Bella is keeping this baby, that is ripping her apart from the inside, is because she thinks it will look like Edward. Gross. Also, that’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. *headdesk*

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