12. Balancing

Chapter Synopsis

Billy and Jacob Black pay Charlie and Bella a visit. They chat about Edward’s shiny silver Volvo, and we get the sense that the Blacks don’t really care for the Cullens. They are served dinner in front of the television by Bella — very classy — and then head back home.

Bella sleeps well. Why we care about this, we aren’t sure. Edward picks her up for school the next morning, and interrogates her about her mother and romantic history (which, of course, she has none of). Bella is upset that Edward is leaving school after lunch with Alice in order to go hunting. But this is necessary, since Edward will be spending the whole next day with Bella, and needs to have those dreamy, butterscotch-golden eyes.

At school, Edward introduces Bella to Rosalie and Alice. They don’t appear to be too fond of her. Boo hoo. Edward makes Bella promise to stay safe in Forks for the evening while he’s gone. Bella decides that Saturday’s trip will be pivotal — she’ll either be eaten, or make it out alive. But at least she’ll know.

That night, Bella tells Charlie a little white lie about her plans for the next day. She claims she’s waiting for more girls to be available before she goes to Seattle, but reassures Charlie that he can still go on his fishing trip; she’ll be fine on her own. Then Bella drugs herself (gasp!), but not before we find out that her classical music tastes go far beyond Dubussy — she also apparently dabbles in Chopin.

She sleeps soundly, drug addict that she is, and hastily gets ready for her fun-filled day with Edward. When Edward picks Bella up, they realize that their outfits match; clearly it’s fate. They begin driving somewhere into the wilderness, and Edward informs Bella that he’s taking her to his favorite spot, but that getting there means they’ll have to do some hiking. Cue insecurities on Bella’s part.

They hike, and the chapter ends with Edward emerging into the “buttery sunshine.”

Best Worst Lines

“I was relieved when it was late enough to be acceptable for bedtime. I knew I was far too stressed to sleep, so I did something I’d never done before. I deliberately took unnecessary cold medicine — the kind that knocked me out for a good eight hours. I normally wouldn’t condone that type of behavior in myself, but tomorrow would be complicated enough without me being loopy from sleep deprivation on top of everything else.” (251-252)    (We really feel the need to comment on this one… but somehow can’t find the words. Wow. Just… wow.)

“I woke early, having slept soundly and dreamlessly thanks to my gratuitous drug use.” (252)   (Gratuitous? Really? So what are those three Advil I take whenever I get a bad headache? Overdose?)

“The sun was directly overhead, filling the circle with a haze of buttery sunshine.” (259)   (That’s the only way we like our sunshine — buttery.)

Things That Really Irk Us

The insane amount of detail. Perhaps Stephenie Meyer would like to know that, currently, we are sitting in a small room — not long, but more of a cube-like shape — with pink carpeting. One of us is lying on our back, the other sitting. Both are suffering slightly from food comas, thanks to large plates of pasta and meat sauce. Both are also wearing yellow shirts, but of varying shades of yellow — one more a lemon yellow and the other more of a vanilla pudding color. See, isn’t this boring?

Final Thoughts

We just can’t handle the suspense. Will Edward Cullen explode into a tiny pile of ashes when he steps into that buttery sunlight? A pile of ashes that Bella will then snort like her own personal brand of heroin? We hope so.

Go to Chapter 13.