1. First Sight

(Note: We decided to skip the Preface, because it’s just too dumb to even write anything intelligent about.)

Chapter Synopsis

Bella, a self-proclaimed klutz (we say self-proclaimed because we don’t quite see it ourselves yet), arrives in Forks, Washington, to live with her dad (whom she only refers to as Charlie) when her mom goes on the road with Bella’s baseball-playing stepdad, Phil.

Bella attends her first wet, soggy day of school, complains about its small size, and then promptly gets lost on her way to the office. (Hmm.) 

It’s at lunch that day that Bella sees them – THE CULLENS!!! The beautiful, perfect Cullens. Later, in biology, Bella has to sit by none other than Edward Cullen, and she gets the distinct feelng that he does not like her… or that perhaps her deodorant isn’t working well in the humid Forks weather. Cue angsty teen insecurities.

Best Worst Line

“My carry-on item was a parka.” (3)

Things That Really Irk Us

Though it may be more obvious in the film adaptation, Edward is clearly jizzing in his pants when Bella walks into Biology that day. (“Suddenly rigid in his seat” is and understatement.)

We understand angsty teens are on a hormone-induced crazy train, but the contradictory descriptions throughout the entirety of this book begin in this chapter. (ie: “He turned slowly to glare at me — his face was absurdly handsome — with piercing, hate-filled eyes.” [27]  Typically, you don’t find people who glare at you to be beautiful… ah, well.)

Bella is already annoying us, too. She whines a lot, and tries to make us as readers feel sorry for her. “Oh, I’m so clumsy and awkward and unattractive.” Shut up, Bella. Everyone is fawning all over you, and you like it.

Final Thoughts

It can’t get much worse than this, right?

Go to Chapter Two.