32. Company

Chapter Synopsis

Warning: This chapter is long and boring. Just wanted to give you a heads-up.

The Cullen house is filled to near-bursting with vampires from near and far. Good thing nobody needs to sleep. And good thing they’re all being considerate and going out of state to hunt, borrowing various expensive cars to do so. Jacob doesn’t necessarily approve of human-hunting (since, you know, he’s kinda genetically wired not to), but, because his Nessie is in danger, he’s keeping his mouth shut and sending Leah, Seth, Quil and Embry to run with Sam for now while he makes nice with the sparklepires, who mostly treat him like a smelly dog.

We get introduced to all this “company” one clan at a time, and hear about how they all have basically fallen in love with Renesmee and have agreed to act as witnesses for the Impending Volturi Attack of Doom.

Peter and Charlotte — old wandering friends of Jasper’s — are sent by Alice and Jasper. Since they trust Alice and are the curious type, they booked it to Forks, no questions asked.

Carlizzle sends the Irish clan: Siobhan, a “woman of immense presence” with a “huge body”; her mate, Liam; and ginger Maggie, who has the speshul power of being able to tell when she’s being lied to. Of course, they are all immediately sold on Nessie.

Carlizzle really did get around, it seems, because he also sends a coven from Egypt: skeptical leader Amun; his quiet mate Kebi; young, charismatic Benjamin who must have some awesome power; and Ben’s insightful mate Tia. Amun and Kebi don’t want anything to do with Renesmee, but Benjamin and Tia are convinced she’s a safe sort of demon spawn, and vow to stay in Forks. Benjamin threatens to break up the Egyptian alliance, so Amun agrees — begrudgingly — to stay, as well.

We discover that Benjamin does, in fact, have a very speshul power — one that Amun has taken care to hide from Aro and the Volturi. Benjamin can pull some serious Captain Planet stunts, and actually manipulate the elements. Oooh. Ahhh.

Rose and Emmett send along a collection of nomads: Garrett, a hippie-like vampire who falls right in with the Denali clan; and Mary and Randall, who occasionally travel together and agree to stand behind the Cullens.

Carlizzle and Esme return within a week, and they bring an English loner along named Alastair. Alastair is suspicious of everything — the Cullens, the Volturi, probably his own shadow — and refuses to let Renesmee touch him. He spends most of his time brooding and skulking in the attic like some kind of ghoul. We find this amusing.

Next come two of the Amazons, Zafrina and Senna, which is surprising, since none of the Cullens were able to reach them. Everything about these vampires is long — long fingers, long noses, long arms and legs; you get the picture — and Bella notes that they have a certain wild quality about them; she calls them uncivilized. Bitch. They inform Carlizzle that Alice sent them after requesting that they split up from their third coven member, Kachiri. Nobody knows what Alice is up to, but clearly she’s on some sort of mission of her own.

Edward is excited to have the Amazonians on their side, because not only are they big and tall and exotic, but Zafrina is very talented. She can project illusions into the minds of others; make them see whatever she wants them to see. Edward seems to think this will be a good offensive tool to use to confuse the Volturi. Just imagine if they were to all suddenly have a vision of the Cullens dancing around in their underwear!

Renesmee likes Zafrina and her “pretty pictures,” which is good because it keeps her distracted while Mommy learns how to fight.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, Bella is not a good fighter. Edward pins her easily within seconds during their first fight, but then freaks out and refuses to help train her anymore. He just can’t BEAR to look at his one-and-only as a target to kill!! Bella seeks help from various other sparklepires instead — Emmett who gets revenge for all those lost arm wrestling matches, Garrett who is a good teacher, Zafrina who scares Bella to death with all her long-ness, Rose, Tanya, Eleazar, and the list goes on. But Bella knows her skillz are impossibly basic, and no match for the Volturi.

When not getting beaten up, Bella is off with Kate, practicing extending her “shield” outside of her own mind. Bella is not very good at this, either. She compares the task to trying to stretch a tricksy invisible rubber band, and has only minimal success. Edward acts as their guinea pig. Bella holds onto him, trying to project her shield to him, as Kate zaps him with her speshul sparkle-taser-power. Bella can’t stand watching Edward suffer, but Kate tells her the motivation is good.

But Kate knows what would motivate Bella even more. During one practice session, with a small crowd of vampires watching the fun, Kate suggests that Nessie should help Mommy out. Bella and Edward are both vehemently against this, of course; they don’t want their pretty baby to feel any pain! But Renesmee wants to help Momma. She scrambles onto Bella’s back, and Kate comes after the pair with her electrified palms.

This pisses Bella off to the point where she’s literally seeing red. But she’s also more acutely aware of her shield, and is shielding Renesmee without even trying very hard. Well who woulda guessed? Bella is able to extend her shield to Edward now, too, and then to Kate, though the effort drains her and she can’t hold it very long.

As Bella is recuperating, Garrett asks Kate to give him a little zappy-zap, so he can know what it feels like. She does. We have no clue why this is relevant. Is this supposed to be vampire flirting?

Before they can get back to the lesson, however, the Cullens get some more (unexpected) guests in the form of two creepy ancient Romanian vampires, Stefan and Vladimir. Apparently word is spreading of the Cullens’ plight, and the Romanians have a vendetta against the Volturi – the Italians overthrew their Romanian vampy empire 1500 years before. So, naturally, if there’s the chance of a battle, they want to be a part of it. They don’t even care if the Cullens broke a law or not, and show no real interest in or aversion to Renesmee; they just want vengeance.

With the Romanians, the number of witnesses has now reached 17, to be added to the 11 veggie-pires (the Cullen and Denali clans) already in alliance. Bella estimates this could well be the largest gathering of friendly adult vampires in immortal history.

Good for you guys. Want a cookie?

Best Worst Lines

“I was amazed at the easy acceptance the visiting vampires had for Jacob; the problems Edward had anticipated had never materialized. Jacob seemed more or less invisible to them, not quite a person, but also not food, either. They treated him the way people who are not animal-lovers treat the pets of their friends.” (608)

“Garrett came first — a tall, rangy vampire with eager ruby eyes and long sandy hair he kept tied back with a leather thong — and it was apparent immediately that he was an adventurer.”   (Oh yes, painfully apparent. Because you can’t possibly have long hair and eager eyes unless you’re “an adventurer.”)

“’Of course, now they’ll know I was here,’ we heard him grumble to himself in the attic — his preferred spot to sulk.’”   (Ha. We like Alastair.)

“Both of them seemed as if they’d been stretched — long arms and legs, long fingers, long black braids, and long faces with long noses.”   (And this is a long book with a long non-plot that should have ended long ago.)

“Only Edward was willing to be our guinea pig — to receive shock after shock from Kate while I grappled incompetently with the insides of my head. We worked for hours at a time, and I felt like I should be covered in sweat from the exertion, but of course my perfect body didn’t betray me that way.”

“I was so furious that my vision took on a strange reddish tint, and my tongue tasted like burning metal. The strength I usually worked to keep restrained flowed through my muscles, and I knew I could crush her into diamond-hard rubble if she pushed me to it.”

Things That Really Irk Us

Umm… the fact that SEVENTEEN new characters were introduced in this chapter. SEVENTEEN. Seriously, SMeyer? You haven’t even properly developed the ones you already had, and now you go and add over a dozen more?

The fact that all of these “newcomers” have painfully ethnic names and/or appearances.

The number of times the word “long” is used in one sentence to describe the Amazons. Ugghhh. STOP, SMeyer. Just stop.

How, as predicted, everyone falls in luuuv with Renesmee as soon as they meet her. Where the hell is the conflict here?

Bella learning to “fight” and project her “shield.” Again, as in “Eclipse,” SMeyer fails to “show” us anything, opting instead to tell us. Over and over and over again. Twenty bucks says Bella will master her shield power at the last minute, saving the day and the world in a totally predictable and mundane way.

Final Thoughts

Did you catch all those names?

Well, whatever. We’re rooting for the creepy Romanians. What are we rooting for them to do? No clue. Anything.

Go to Chapter 33.
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14 Responses to “32. Company”

  1. […] chapter up! Today we have Chapter 32 for you, in which we meet 17 (yes, SEVENTEEN) new vampires in about as many pages. You may want to […]

  2. Alistare is epic only because he’s emo. XD BORING CHAPTER! Didn’t she break 18000 literary rules in brining in so many new characters at one!?!??!

  3. Good Lord, everything is so exotic to Meyer…and not in a good way.

    I have this vague hypothesis that Meyer perpetuates the Twilight universe’s grandiose and pedantic fantasy elements to compensate for the lack of (I don’t know, beauty? Fun?) personal fufillment in her own life, so for every impossibly beautiful and astounding thing she describes, the real life version must be extremely and pathetically lackluster or negative.

    I’m putting this chapter down to an abridged family reunion. So, if the 17 sparklepires here try to actively help “Bella” and “love Nessie”, and are all “attractive” and “Edward is concerned about her wellbeing”….then….

  4. of all the powers she can come up with, it’s a shield. she came up with a shield.

    honestly, I don’t even understand why the ‘vampires’ get/have their powers. they’re super ‘awesome’, ‘pretty’ and ‘sparkly’ and they have super strength and speed and such, and they’re powerful too (zappy thing, mind reader, blablabla)?

    I mean.. come. on. Really? Just… really?

  5. I’m actually delighted with the thought of vampire Captain America. Is that not hilarious to anyone else?

    • “EARTH!FIRE!WIND!WATER!HEART! Go Planet! By your powers combined, I am Captain Planet! Captain Planet, he’s our hero
      gonna take pollution down to zero! He’s our powers magnified
      And he’s fighting on the planet’s side.Captain Planet, he’s our hero gonna take pollution down to zero! Gonna help him put asunder bad guys who like to loot and plunder. “You’ll pay for this Captain Planet!” “We’re the Planeteers
      You can be one too ‘Cause saving our planet is the thing to do!
      Looting and polluting is not the way: hear what Captain Planet has to say!”
      “The Power is Yours!”
      🙂 Yes, yes I do find this hilarious (especially because I have this song in my head when thinking of what ever the guys real name is… he is just Captain Planet from now on!)

      • We’ll be sure to try and just refer to Ben as Captain Planet from here on out. It seems to be a well-liked nickname. Granted, it may never top Carlizzle or Claude. But still.

  6. What? Something what Bella is not immediately good at? Are you sure you haven’t misinterpreted this part?
    Poor Jacob. Poor thing. Now he’s degraded to the level of a pet. Congrats.
    As long as I remember, Vladimir isn’t a Romanian name. It’s Slavic. Of course, I can be wrong.

  7. I can see that SMeyer used this chapter as an excuse to glance through her “1,000 Baby Names” book and pull random superpowers out of her ass. Seriously, I’m really tired of all of these “speshul” powers – being undead and super strong isn’t enough?

    BLECH.

  8. No British or Chinese sparklepires? Racism will get you no where SMeyere (NO WHERE!). Personally, I think Bella’s spechul rainbow bright power is NEGLECT! You know, she is the best at using her lovly baby as a shield and then leaving her with numerous strangers! As for the loooong Amazon people, here is what Meyers could have used to describe them: ” Their hands were monstrous. Their bodies stretched and finely sculpted.The Muscles on the males would bulged with slight movement. The females were slimmer, yet still entitled the same strength as the males. Mammoth as they were, I knew how dire these Amazons were to our newly founded mission.” Take that Meyers! No college classes (since Im still in High school) and I still describe your characters better!

  9. Okay, the Cullens don’t drink human blood, they eat Bambis. And yet, the allow the blood-drinkers to hunt humans. Not only that, but they let them borrow their cars so they could hunt out of state. Am I the only one who finds this completely screwed up?

  10. Oh hai guuuys. I haven’t wrote anything here, until now, but I’m a biig fan <3.
    As for this chap, Jacob really needs to pull his nose out of Renehdkjfhjsmes' a55 and start looking for his balls. Too bad Kate can't zap zap zippy Bella, too. She needs some serious zaps. Edward is as carboardy as ever and Renjhgjfuksme is just her annoying self. If there are more whatsoevercharacters in this book, I'm sorry for not noticing them!
    Keep it up, bros, I love ya! Sowwy for my bad English, as I'm only some Romanian gurl rooting for Ştefan and that guy with Slavic name to keep giving BellyPie the creeps! [That's what vampires are supposted to do, being creepy, right?]

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