2. Long Night

Chapter Synopsis

It’s the night before the wedding, and Bella and Edward are busy smooching and staring into each others’ souls, while lying cuddled up in Bella’s bed. Bella is trying to convince Eddie-kins to both stay with her, and go attend his own bachelor party. (Way to send mixed signals, dummy.) Edward, as usual, is concerned about various things pertaining to Bella — if she’ll survive sexy time with him, the state of her feet (whether they’re getting cold yet, in regards to the wedding), and how she’ll cope with leaving her loved ones behind once he turns her. He’s also slightly regretting the fact that she’ll never be able to get knocked up after the change. (HA.) Before he can worry his perfect little face further, however, Jasper and Emmett come to collect him for some pre-wedding festivities. Perhaps they’ll go rob a blood bank for funsies.

Bella tries to fall asleep, but her bed feels woefully empty now without her one-and-only beside her, and she starts thinking about all her irrational fears. Her fears include but are not limited to: Being the center of attention. Maneuvering stairs in heels with a long train. The fact that Tanya’s Denali clan will be attending the Big Day (which is actually a double fear — Bella’s afraid of them being around any werewolves/family members who might attend, and of course is worried about looking uber-ugly in comparison to the stunning vampy women).

(Here, we’re taken on a lovely tangent, as usual, where we learn about Tanya and her “family.” Tanya and all her sisters, we learn, at one point had a mother, too — here, “mother” referring to the female who created them. Mommy dearest did something illegal, something unthinkable — she created a vampire out of a child; a baby. This was a big no-no, because vampires like that (“immortal children”) never developed past the stage of their creation, and supposedly could destroy whole cities in a tantrum. B..b..but they were so prettttyyyyyy! The Volturi eventually stepped in, killing Mommy Dearest and her little abomination. Tanya and her sisters were only allowed to live because they had been oblivious to what momma had been up to.)

Bella is then suddenly swept away into a dream. She’s in a field of sweetly-burning vampire carcasses, and a group of Volturi are huddled together around something. The something turns out to be a little boy, beautiful and adorable. Bella has the urge to save him from the Volturi, and runs toward him. But when she gets closer, she realizes he’s sitting on top of a pile of bloodless bodies – the bodies of all her non-friends and loved ones! And then, “the child opened his bright, bloodred eyes.”

Best Worst Lines

“Sometimes it was so easy to forget that I was kissing a vampire. Not because he seemed ordinary or human — I could never for a second forget that I was holding someone more angel than man in my arms — but because he made it seem like nothing at all to have his lips against my lips, my face, my throat.” (23)

“Our gazes locked for a moment; his golden eyes were so deep that I imagined I could see all the way into his soul. It seemed silly that this fact — the existence of his soul — had ever been in question, even if he was a vampire. He had the most beautiful soul, more beautiful than his brilliant mind or his incomparable face or his glorious body.

He looked back at me as if he could see my soul, too, and as if he liked what he saw.” (24)

Things That Really Irk Us

The pointlessness of this chapter, for starters.

Bella going on about her silly fears born out of insecurity. Now, if she were afraid of, say, the excruciating pain that comes along with being turned into a vampire, perhaps we could commiserate a little better. But being afraid of the train on her wedding gown?? Seriously???

SMeyer’s pitiful attempt at foreshadowing. We already know Bella’s going to get knocked up with some sort of demon spawn, and we’re guessing the Volturi aren’t going to be happy about it. We’re not morons.

Final Thoughts

Honestly, how many more wasted pages and chapters are there going to be in this series?

Go to Chapter 3.

9 Responses to “2. Long Night”

  1. […] Chapter 2 and Chapter 3 are now posted. […]

  2. The Twilight series is just a waste of paper and trees. Think of all those trees we could have saved if SMeyer did not have that stupid wet dream. Also I wish Bella would die when she and Eddie-Kins have sex. That would be an awesome ending. Goo dluck with the rest of this story. It only gets worse from here on.

  3. Meet Breaking Dawn, full of scenes that will make you want kill yourself at the turn literature seemes to have taken (Oh God… I just called this crap literature…)

  4. Another pointless chapter.

    It’s interesting to note, thought, that Bella was never nervous about sex- which is on every virgin bride’s list of fears before the wedding. But Meyer doesn’t want to mention it… why?

  5. Stephanie Meyer’s writing is so bad… I want to pull a Nancy Kerrigan and cry out, “Whyyyyyyyyyy?”

  6. W-O-W. Edward IS gifted. He has the following goodies: 1. Beautiful soul. 2. Brilliant mind. 3. Incomparable face. 4. Glorious body – hey, wait! Where’s SM’s favourite adjective “perfect”??

  7. SMeyer, you FAIL at foreshaodwing. Lose the thesoaurous you love so much, get a dictionary, and look up the word SUBTLE!!!

  8. I’m not anti-twilight, but these are still really funny!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

 
%d bloggers like this: