15. Pressure

Chapter Synopsis

Bella awakes on Monday morning of spring break to the realization that this is the second spring break in a row that she’s been hunted by a vampire. She wonders if it will become a tradition. We hope it won’t, but fear it may.

She babbles on about spending all her time in La Push, wandering on the beach alone and holding Jacob’s hand a lot. She notes that this feels nice, even if she doesn’t like him that way. But she also notes that she knows he does like HER that way. B..b..but his hand is so warm! Dumb, selfish Bella. Mike calls Bella “cruel” for leading him and Jacob on (score one for whiny Mike!), but Bella doesn’t seem to care.

Bella and Jake chat some more about “wolf things” (like the fact that the wolf-boys run high temperatures), and Jacob admits being worried about being so good at being a werewolf. He doesn’t want to “lose himself.” He asks Bella about hanging out with vampires, and she tells him about James biting her and Eddie-kins saving her — twice. The talk opens up Bella’s tummy hole again, and Jacob apologizes for bringing it up.

Over the next couple of days, Bella spends a lot of time alone, which means she’s extra angsty and eventually ends up curling up in a ball on the beach because it all hurts too much. (Ugh.) Jacob finds her, and vows that they will do something “fun” the next day. He promises to finally make good on a former promise and take her cliff diving. Bella is super-duper excited — she’ll get to hear Edward!!

She wakes up the next morning and heads down to La Push, where a storm is clearly brewing. Jake is out with the other wolf-boys because they found a fresh Victoria trail, so Bella heads down to the beach to wait for him. But the beach is too silent and empty and lonely, and Bella is thinking too much about the danger Jacob is in. The weather continues brooding and boiling along with Bella’s thoughts.

It’s been far too long since Bella’s heard Edward’s voice, and she’s suffering withdrawls. So she decides to go looking for it on her own. After all, Jacob DID promise her cliff diving. And it’s all his fault that he’s out risking his life to hunt the vampire that’s hunting Bella. (…)

So Bella climbs the big bad cliff — all the way to the top — and finds the jumping-off point as the angry clouds roll in ominously. It starts raining as Bella is preparing to jump. And then, of course, Edward’s velvety angel voice is there, begging Bella not to do it. But she’s such a rebel! She jumps anyway (though she’s sure to do it feet-first, like she learned in swimming class, so is she really that much of a rebel?). She relishes in the wind whipping through her hair as she falls, and plunges into the icy water with a smile.

And then the current catches her. Ooops! Forgot about that! She’s being thrashed about in the waves, and it’s all wet and dark and confusing and she can’t find the surface. She’s drowning, and then Eddie’s voice is back, urging her to keep swimming. It’s at this point that Bella becomes weirdly suicidal. She is so happy to hear Edward’s voice that she doesn’t mind dying, and decides she doesn’t want to fight anymore. She’s glad for it to be “over.” And then, instead of seeing her life flash before her eyes, Bella sees a vision of Edward, in all his perfect, dazzling glory. She’s so happy that she could die — literally.

Then the current (or something else?) slams her against the rocks, and the last bit of air is knocked out of her. She begins choking, and then is dragged away from Edward into the darkness.

Best Worst Lines

“Last spring break, I’d been hunted by a vampire, too. I hoped this wasn’t some kind of tradition forming.” (342)   (Somehow, we have a feeling it is… Ugh.)

“I never get cold anymore. I could stand like this’ — he gestured to his bare torso — ‘in a snowstorm and it wouldn’t bother me. The flakes would turn to rain where I stood.’”   (Really? Snow turning to rain around him? Well, we suppose it would be a neat party trick, albeit difficult to explain.)

“… And being so big — that’s part of it?”   (That’s what she said!)

“But I wasn’t the only one twitching. I could feel Jacob’s whole body trembling next to mine. Even the car shook.”   (Kinky.)

“It wasn’t hard to be with her — after all, we were both wolf girls now.”   (Arouuuuuu. – That’s our wolf howl.)

“But it had been days since I’d heard Edward’s voice. That was probably part of the problem. I was addicted to the sound of my delusions. It made things worse if I went too long without them. Jumping off a cliff was certain to remedy that situation.” (352)   (… She needs to see a doctor. Now.)

“I tried not to think about the danger Jacob and his friends were in. Because nothing could happen to Jacob. The thought was unendurable. I’d lost too much already — would fate take the last few shreds of peace left behind?” (355)   (Oh yes, you’ve lost sooooo much. Bitch.)

“I’d really been counting on hearing Edward this morning. It seemed like that was the one thing that might make it bearable to live through this day. The hole had been festering lately, like it was getting revenge for the times that Jacob’s presence had tamed it. The edges burned.”

“Jacob had promised me cliff diving, hadn’t he? Just because he was unavailable, should I have to give up the distraction I needed so badly — needed even worse because Jacob was out risking his life? Risking it, in essence, for me.”   (So wait… she’s blaming Jacob for being unavailable because he’s out risking his life for HER? Whaaaaaat? How is this anywhere close to logical thinking??)

“I knew that this was the stupidest, most reckless thing I had done yet. The thought made me smile. The pain was already easing, as if my body knew that Edward’s voice was just seconds away…”

“It was only when he was disapproving like this that I could hear the true memory of his voice — the velvet texture and the musical intonation that made up the most perfect of all voices.”

“‘No, Bella!’ He was angry now, and the anger was so lovely.'”   (Why? Why?)

“I didn’t want to fight anymore. And it wasn’t the light-headedness, or the cold, or the failure of my arms as the muscles gave out in exhaustion, that made me content to stay where I was. I was almost happy that it was over. This was an easier death than others I’d faced. Oddly peaceful.”   (So… she’s happy to be dying? Great message to send out – death by jumping off a cliff is easy, peaceful, and fun!)

“I saw him, and I had no will to fight. It was so clear, so much more defined than any memory. My subconscious had stored Edward away in flawless detail, saving him for this final moment. I could see his perfect face as if he were really there; the exact shade of his icy skin, the shape of his lips, the line of his jaw, the gold glinting in his furious eyes.” (361)

“Why would I fight when I was so happy where I was? Even as my lungs burned for more air and my legs cramped in the icy cold, I was content. I’d forgotten what real happiness felt like.

Happiness. It made the whole dying thing pretty bearable.”   (… This disgusts us beyond words. We can’t even write about it.) 

Things That Really Irk Us

Bella allowing Jacob to hold her hand all the time and let his friends call her his “girlfriend” when it’s clear she’s still way too into Eddie-kins. It isn’t fair to Jacob, and it super selfish of Bella. You can’t have it all, you twat.

This whole “gaping stomach hole” of Bella’s is getting really old.

Jacob is too nice. Bella is too dumb.

The whole cliff jumping thing irks us beyond description. First of all, it is not okay for Bella to blame Jacob for being busy hunting Victoria. He’s saving your life, you dumbass. We’re sorry if that means you can’t have your dazzling hallucinations! But then Bella goes up the cliff on her own without much thought about the dangers that could be waiting for her in the water. It’s not like bungy jumping, sweetie. There’s no friendly yellow raft to pick you up at the bottom. And then she jumps. And starts drowning. And then hears/sees Edward and decides that she’s perfectly okay with drowning if it means Eddie-kins is with her. ….. HOW IS THIS OKAY???? We don’t understand. When Meredith Grey decided to fall into frigid water and stop fighting, they sent her to a shrink and found all these psychological issues. But when Bella Swan does it? Oh, she’s still totally the object of women’s jealously and envy. After all, she runs with sparkly vampires. Fuck.

Final Thoughts

This chapter makes us really, really mad. Why can’t she just DIE already?

Go to Chapter 16.