Too Disturbing to Describe

These are the sites that are kind of like a bad car accident — they’re disturbing and horrible, but you can’t seem to stop looking.

TwilightMOMS

By now, we’re sure every anti-Twilight fan has at least -heard- of the TwilightMOMS universe. If not, please venture ahead with caution. It’s funny to a point — the point where you realize that these grown, often married, 40+ women really are in love with Edward Cullen.  Then it’s just too disturbing for words.

Twilight Fans Cruise

No, we aren’t joking. (Though we wish we were.) A 2010 “Twilight” cruise is currently in the works, complete with cast members and an optional pre-cruise tour of Forks. Ugh.

Twi Tour

We were barely even aware that a TwiCon took place recently, so, imagine our surprise when we stumbled upon Creation Entertainment’s site for Twi Tours — which are planned at least through October of 2010.  They’re “Twilight” conventions (duh), most complete with celebrity guests, a Vampire Ball, and vampy make-overs for lucky trivia buffs. … We really want someone to finance us to go, just so we can write about the madness.

Twilight Corn Maze

While this is only a temporary, seasonal thing, we still feel it’s well worth mentioning. Black Island Farms in Utah is celebrating the “New Moon” release a little early — just in time for Halloween and the corn maze season. They’ve created two colossal corn mazes — “Team Jacob” and “Team Edward” — that Twihards can get lost in. So yeah, basically, they’ve cut the faces of Jacob and Edward into corn… seriously, what WON’T people do to make money off this dumb phenomenon?? The link above is to a snarky Dlisted story about the mazes, and includes a few photos. If you want to read the real news story that ran in a Utah paper, go here.

Robsessed

This really should go in the Worst Merchandise section, since it’s something terrible for sale. But it’s so disturbing (and also not quite entirely Twilight-related) that we decided it was better immortalized here in this section. Robsessed is a DVD that “charts the British star’s rise to U.S stardom and provides the inside story that led to his international fame and sex symbol status!” It’s said to include “sizzling secrets” and interviews about “today’s number one hottie in Hollywood.” … Seriously, who comes up with this shit? We’d really like to know. Regardless, we’re sure RPattz is just loooooving this. As for us, we feel the need to vomit. Please, please, do not waste $19.99 on this.

Volvo Jumps On Board

What Drives Edward commercial

Volvo has teamed up with Summit, it seems, to promote both their new cars, “New Moon,” and the Eddie-kins phenomenon. We saw this ad on TV not too long ago, and were, frankly, appalled. Especially the part about keeping what you love safe… Gag.

Top Baby Names for 2009: Isabella and Jacob

We wish we were kidding. But the Associated Press (and various other news outlets) reported in May 2010 about the top baby names for the previous year. And it just so happens Isabella took over the top spot for girls, while Jacob remained at the top for boys in 2009. The story (which you can read all of here) mentions that the occurrance probably isn’t sheer coincidence, and likely has something to do with the “Twilight” phenomenon. (Though, they do note that Jacob has been the top name for baby boys for over a decade, and Isabella has been in the top 10 since 2004.)

Thankfully, the name Edward only jumped 11 spots last year (to No. 137 on the boys’ list). But severely distubing to us is this: The biggest riser among boy’s names was “Cullen” — jumping 297 spots to No. 485 on the list. BOTHERED.

This

We don’t even know what to say about this. One of Destroying Angel‘s friends recently spotted this on Dlisted and was kind enough to pass it along to us. … It really needs a page of its own. Like “We Need to Bleach Our Brains This is so Disturbing” or something. Because it totally surpasses everything else on this page, in our opinion. But the really scary thing? It looks completely real. Which means this girl is deranged, probably spent hundreds of dollars to have a bad rendition of RPattz’s face emblazoned on her back, and is never ever going to get laid again. Ever.


23 Responses to “Too Disturbing to Describe”

  1. go to comcast.net and there’s a video on there in which rpattz calls our little eddie a “weirdo”
    i thought of you when i saw it 🙂
    em

    • RPattz has said several times that he thinks Edward Cullen is creepy and/or a loser and he doesn’t understand why women like him. He also thinks Stephanie Meyer is “mad” and that Twilight is her personal fantasy that “wasn’t supposed to be read.”
      I am not a Twilight fan but I would totally hang out with RPattz.

  2. i can’t believe they’re making a cruise. Seriously i feel bad for all the people who live here in Washington (including me). I just went to the page and i wanted to gag. I know i’ll be going to school and girls will be flipping out about it. Ugh, seriously why do they have to do this to all the people like me, who live in Seattle and dislike Twilight.

  3. Oooooh, wow Bri. You live in Seattle? That’s gotta be bad. It could probably only be worse if you actually lived in Forks. Lol. Come to think of it, though… I wonder what those Forks residents think about the madness?

  4. Yes i do live in Seattle. I think it would be so much worse if I lived in Forks or even La Push or some place mentioned in the book. However, I have seen a lot on TV lately about Forks and before it didn’t get any attention, but now all i see on TV is about how many visitors the place gets because of Twilight. Even my own realitives go there because of it. It’s so crazy, and all the hype and talk annoys me, so I could only imagine how people there would feel.

  5. Spider Monkey would love to go there and see what people really think of all the fuss and stupid fans ogling all over the place. The journalist in her is itching to write about it.

    • i dunno i think most people here think it’s funny. However; I wouldn’t know what everyone thinks. I do think a lot of people here do travel and vacation in Forks and La Push a lot more. Truthfully I have never been to either one, but from what I heard, a once cute and quiet town, now has huge billboards with Edward’s face on it, Bella’s truck, and other disturbing things. Even whole stores dedicated to Twilight. But Seattle is a pretty awesome place, I like it. 🙂

  6. WOW… amazing… a new low. A corn maze…

  7. […] also updated our Too Disturbing to Describe and Just For Laughs sections with a couple of new funny, disturbing links and videos. For example, […]

  8. I live in Seattle too and too many people here like Twilight! Help!

    Also, I heard that Forks (the city) actually liked the attention from the Twilight series (not saga, series) b/c before they were just a failing logging town that no one paid attention to but now people come through for “Twilight Tours”

    They’ve even stalked out one person’s house and claims it’s Bella’s or something. I pity whoever lives there

    I can’t believe that everyone who lives in Forks is as pleased to have squee-ing teenagers running amok in their town

    Proof that RPattz thinks Edward is a murderous weirdo –>http://tinyurl.com/kk7aws

    • Well, from an economic standpoint, a boost from tourism is probably doing wonders for the little town of Forks. And, let’s face it, money matters. But I wonder how long the residents will be okay with creepy fangirls wearing plastic fangs peering in through their living room windows at night.

      And WTF — claiming someone’s house is “Bella’s”??? SMeyer has never been to Forks. She didn’t base any of her books on relaity. (Obviously.)

  9. So disturbing. I feel bad for everyone who lives in Washington…from Olympic to Everett to Seattle to Auburn. And let’s not forget Elma and Forks on the Olympic Peninsula. But Forks has got it bad. But there’s one place that’s got it worse. La Push, Washington. It’s a real place, too.

  10. http://www.mylifeistwilight.com/

    have you guys seen this? this is as disturbing as anything can get.

    • Ugh. This girl is right. Her life is Twilight which means she has absolutely NO life at all. The poor thing.

      • Oops. So this is not one person but a whole bunch. Well, at least they have some social life. I wonder what they’ll do after this Twilight-frenzy had died down. Go mad?

    • Dear Lord, look what I found on that stupid “My Life is Twilight” website:

      Today I made out with my large sybarian husky because he reminded me of Jacob. MLIT

      I saw New Moon for the 13th time on Friday. When I got home, I cried for 8 hours, stared out my window and didn’t eat for a few days. Needless to say, I love Edward Cullen more than anything in the world.

      Hahaha, I about pissed myself these were so funny. There’s more here:

      http://www.mylifeistwilight.com/flop

  11. I cannot help but feel sorry for RPattz. Having your private life raped and destroyed by a bunch of sick fangirls sucks so much. He’ll probably end up as an alcohol abuser or a drug addict…

    • Yeah, I really feel for the poor bastard because his life will forever be stigmatized by one morman housewife’s wet dream. Not only is he (sadly) and incredibly aware of this, but his fans want him to devour them. I read a while ago that fangirls come up to him with bloody necks and wrists and shit and he’s all traumatized that one day he’ll unwitttingly get infected by some tryhard Twitard.

  12. The TwilightMOMs…OMG OMG OMG – Sad middle aged women who really need to get a life…*shivers*

  13. Holy crap! You have got to go to the Twilight Tours! I bet the madness would be epic! I’d love to read what you’ll write about it!


  14. No. Just no.

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