30. Irresistible

Chapter Synopsis

Bella has so many questions running through her mind. Who is J. Jenks, and how is she supposed to find him? WHY does Alice want her to find him? Will he help save Renesmee? And, if not, how can Bella save her daughter? And don’t even get her started on her worries about the next day: How will they explain things to the Denali clan? What if they react poorly? And, if they do, what if it comes to a fight? Bella doesn’t know how to fight. Will she just be useless? (Highly likely.)

And though Bella wants to talk all these things over with Edward (with the exception of the J. Jenks details), Edward has other ideas. And they involve lots of sex. Bella doesn’t protest because, she reasons, if they only have a month left to fuck like animals during the night, they’d better get to it.

The next morning, however, Bella is all business. There’s lots to do, and answers to find. Bella asks Edward if he’ll teach her to fight. He’s reluctant, but Bella uses her speshul Powers of Angst to make him feel guilty with the idea of her helpless, unable to defend herself. They talk Volturi strategy a little bit. Jane and Alec are the Volturi’s star players, with Jane able to inflict instant pain, and Alec able to take away all senses — including sight and hearing — from mass numbers of people at a time. Together, they’re a pretty badass duo.

But, Bella wonders, can they actually fight? Would Jane and Alec ever have needed to fight hand-to-hand? She has the brilliant idea that maybe if SHE learns a few tricks, maybe she can take one of them out since their magical powers won’t affect her. Or, she can at least distract them long enough for Emmett or somebody else to take them out. Edward doesn’t want to hear it; wifey WON’T be fighting like that.

Then they start talking about Eleazar. They’re still befuddled over why Alice made such a big deal about getting him on their side. Edward tells Bella that Eleazar knows everything about the Volturi, because he used to be one of them, back when he was of the opinion that they were working for “the greater good,” upholding the laws of vampy-dom. He helped them out with his speshul power, which is being able to sense speshul powers in others — including potential speshul powers in humans. But when Eleazar met Carmen, he left the Volturi and they eventually joined the Denali clan. Bella is surprised that the Volturi “just let him go,” but apparently the Volturi don’t abide by contemporary gang culture.

Jacob has joined Bella and Edward by now, and they take Renesmee into the Cullen house and get ready for the arrival of the Denali clan. They decide that they’ll keep both Jacob and Renesmee hidden at first.

Tanya and her posse finally arrive, and all the usual cordial greetings are exchanged. But Tanya can tell something is up, especially when she finds out Carlizzle is gone and that Jacob is hanging around in the house. There’s lots of pointless banter in which Edward begs for them to “hear him out,” warning that they’re all in grave danger. Tanya promises they will listen.

Edward has them listen into the other room, asking them what they hear. They can hear Jacob’s heart, and also Renesmee’s. Renesmee’s confuses them. Then he asks them what they smell. Apart from dog, they smell a strange, almost-human scent. Again, they’re confused. Edward tells them this is something totally new that they’re hearing and smelling, and then he tells Bella to bring Renesmee out.

The Denali clan flips the fuck out when they see Renesmee, crouching into defensive stances and telling each other they should leave. But Edward whines “You promised!” and reminds them of the baby’s heartbeat. He explains that Bella carried Nessie while she was still human, and they’re all like, “Like no wayz!”

Carmen is the first to approach Renesmee. And, Renesmee being the “pretty baby” that she is, instantly wins Carmen over. Carmen allows Renesmee to “show” her everything, proving that she is, in fact, the spawn of a sparklepire and a whiny human. Once Carmen is convinced, Eleazar, Tanya and Kate all allow Renesmee to “show” them her proof, too.

Next, Edward fills them in on the impending Volturi Attack of Doom. He tells them it’s all Irina’s fault, and they’re appalled. Eleazar is surprised that they have a month, until Edward informs him that ALL the Volturi are coming. This baffles the poor guy, especially when Edward tells him Alice was sure Eleazar could take something from this information. Too bad he can’t.

Edward explains that the rest of the Cullens are out trying to track down old friends and allies to act as witnesses. Tanya promises to act as a witness, and maybe more if need be. The rest of the Denalis agree.

Then Eleazar takes Renesmee, mumbling to her in Spanish, and everybody ooos and ahhhs over her as usual. Stupid irresistible little bugger.

Best Worst Lines

“I’d been planning on needing years just to somewhat organize the overwhelming passion I felt for him physically. And then centuries after that to enjoy it. If we had only a month left together… Well, I didn’t see how I could stand to have this end. For the moment I couldn’t help but be selfish. All I wanted was to love him as much as possible in the limited time given to me.” (573)

“I wondered what I could do that would have any hope of making a difference. I was a tiny bit special, in my own way — if a having a supernaturally thick skull could really be considered special. Was there any use that I could put that toward?” (575) (Yes, you can run head-long repeatedly into hard surfaces.)

“’Alec and Jane are their greatest offense,’ he said emotionlessly, like we were talking of a basketball team. ‘Their defensive players rarely see any real action.’”

“’They’re only alleged to be heinous and evil by the criminals, Bella.’” (Hahaha. … Heinous.)

Things That Really Irk Us

How all of Bella’s life-or-death questions get trumped by Ed’s sparkly thrusting dingaling. Way to prioritize.

How everyone basically just accepts and loves Renesmee right away. No one tries to hurt her or destroy her or anything cool like that. Handy that she has the speshul power of showing them her thoughts, huh? Laaame.

Final Thoughts

We’re willing to bet all the other vampires will fall madly in love with Renesmee instantly, too, therefore removing any chance of any sort of confrontation or conflict. Heaven forbid anything close to a PLOT should materialize!

Go to Chapter 31.

12 Responses to “30. Irresistible”

  1. […] Somehow we think we can resist. We’ve got yet another chapter for you today! Chapter 30 (“Irresistible”) is now up and ready for you reading pleasure (or, perhaps […]

  2. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Two Twilight Haters. Two Twilight Haters said: Chapter 30 is up. It's called "Irresistible." We think we can resist. https://vampychronicles.wordpress.com/breaking-dawn/30-irresistible/ […]

  3. what’s all this “for the moment” bull? bella has NEVER been able to help being selfish

  4. Oh no, looks like they need to save Claudia from the Children of Darkness! As a former Anne Rice fangirl, this book in particular is getting more and more like fanfiction I would have written for Interview with the Vampire and The Queen of the Damned when I was 14. *sigh*

  5. OH! They don’t bump each other off when somebody tries to leave? How decidedly UNexciting. So not Edward G. Robinson. Now he’s rolling around in his grave too! How many people will this woman’s horrible book series destroy!

    Having sex in the midst of danger… good idea dumb ass.

  6. One thing I don’t understand. Why on Earth do they have a whole month before the Volturi come if Irina just ran over to Europe to inform them about the hellchild? Yes, I know that ALL of them are coming but does it really take this much time for them to gather? And when ready, are they coming by ship? Or swimming across the ocean? I cannot think of another possible explanation.

  7. This is so incredibly stupid….I’d totally believe Ness would eliminate possible conflict too. Glad to hear you guys are getting so many visitors too! The most retarded thing by far about this series though is just how much Meyer does for her characters; she goes out of her way to make them icons. It’s like hearing two children arguing whilst playing superheroes:
    “I shot you! You’re dead!
    “No, I got invincibility, the bullet deflected now YOU’RE DEAD!”
    “Nu-uh! My bullets can shoot through anything; they’re MAGIC”
    “I’m wearing special magic-proof armour!”
    “Oh yeah? Then I’m gonna take you down with my speshul mind powers!”
    “I got powers too, and they take away your powers!”
    And on and on and on…

    • Two children playing superheros is preferable to reading this stupid chapter. Of this stupid book. Of this stupid “saga”.

    • Ha, how very true. SMeyer must have had a seriously troubled childhood if she had to compensate her unfulfilled wishes with this piece of art. Maybe if she had had the change to participate in RPGs, Twilight wouldn’t have been born.

  8. there is more chapters of this book isn’t there….fuck. I just know meyers will prolong this “saga” for as long as she can get away with. Stop now, please! Think of the children!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

 
%d bloggers like this: