1. Party

Chapter Synopsis

(Hint: There is a party in this chapter.) Bella is 99.9% sure she is dreaming because she is standing in bright sunlight, looking at her deceased grandma, Marie. She describes her grandma, comparing her to shriveled fruits and, suddenly, Edward is calling her name. He walks towards Bella, and she is afraid because of his sparkly abilities and her grandmother’s (already dead) fragile state. Edward puts his arm around Bella’s shoulder as grandma Marie makes funny expressions. Bella then realizes that she is looking in a mirror, and that dear old grandma Marie is NOT there, but it is Bella’s reflection. (Edward, of course, has no reflection at all.) Edward says ‘happy birthday,’ and Bella starts from her dream.

We find out it is September 13, and Bella turns 18 today. We learn she had a WONDERFUL summer (better than ANYONE, ANYWHERE else had had) and that she has been dreading her birthday because it means she’s getting older and Edward’s not. As she drives to school, she keeps thinking about the dream and can’t escape the gloom and doom of despair. UNTIL she sees Edward leaning against his shiny Volvo, waiting for her.

Alice is there too, and has a little present for her. Alice still dances everywhere, and Bella is emo and very anti-birthday celebrations. She finds out the Cullens are planning a party for her later, and she continues to make up excuses as to why she can’t go, but ultimately fails. She goes to class and just so happens to have almost every class with Edward.

We catch up with Meyer’s stellar cast of characters next. Mike and Jessica broke up, but Mike seems finally to accept Edward and Bella’s relationship. However, he has grown out his hair, made it blonde, and lost weight to better imitate Edward. Bella rants on and on and on about what she DIDN’T want for her birthday, and how she is just a simple girl from a poor family. She lists all the things Edward has offered to pay for: a car, college, her breast enhancement, etc. While at lunch, Alice, Edward and Bella sit with Mike and all of those hooligans, but still manage to seclude themselves from the crowd.

The school day ends, and Edward goes to Bella’s house with her where they watch “Romeo and Juliet” and talk about how Edward was thinking of ways to off himself last year if Bella did not make it. Oh, the travesty. They make each other promise that if one dies before the other, they won’t kill themselves (like an anti-suicide pact). Damn. Edward mentions the Volturi for the first time — the family of powerful vampires in Italy that used to hang out with Carlizzle.

They go to the Cullen’s house, taking along the new camera that Charlie bought Bella to go along with the scrapbook Renee gave her. Edward explains how the Cullens are excited because they haven’t celebrated a birthday since 1935. Even Rosalie is excited. We also learn Emmett and Rosalie have been in Africa (ya know, where the sun don’t shine?) since they graduated, and have come back just for this event!

There are a ton of presents, decorations, and a huge cake! Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper give Bella a new radio for her truck (which Emmett installs in minutes), and the next one is from Alice and Edward. It’s a box and, when Bella goes to open it, she gets a papercut that causes her to bleed. Cue pseudo-action?

Jasper immediately tries to eat her, but Edward pushes Bella away and into a glass table, which shatters, causing her to bleed even more. In a room full of vampires. Dun Dun DUNNNNNNN….

Best Worst Lines

“Well, gran, you might have noticed that my boyfriend glitters. It’s just something he does in the sun… Don’t worry about it.” (4)

“Edward stood beside me, casting no reflection, excruciatingly lovely and forever seventeen.” (6)

“I couldn’t feel anything but despair until I pulled into the familiar parking lot behind Forks High School and spotted Edward leaning motionlessly against his polished silver Volvo, like a marble tribute to some forgotten pagan god of beauty.” (7)

“Romeo is one of my favorite fictional characters. Until I’d met Edward, I’d sorta had a thing for him.” (17)   (Kinda like Stephenie Meyer, being in love with Edward Cullen.)

“The movie eventually captured my interest, thanks in large part to Edward whispering Romeo’s lines in my ear — his irresistible, velvet voice made the actor’s voice sound weak and coarse by comparison.” (17)

Things That Really Irk Us

The part when she sees her dead grandma and asks what she has been up to for the last six years and how her grandfather is.

The emo-angsty Bella has, somehow, gotten more emo and even angstier. Now she is the pauper worried about age lines at 18. Cry me a fucking river.

Despite the fact alllllll of the Cullen family (but Emmett and Jasper) were in the ballet studio when she was bleeding profusely, Meyers describes six very hungry vampires at the party when Bella bleeds from a paper cut. The rest of the blood came after. We are confused, especially since Carlizzle is supposed to be BA and be totally immune.

Meyers, yet again, adding a little eccentricism with the 1960’s version of “Romeo and Juliet.” You so cool! We wish we were like that.

Final Thoughts

Just when we thought it couldn’t get any worse. Maybe Bella needs to bleed out a bit and get rid of all that angsty pressure. Maybe someone will eat her this time around, since she can’t kill herself.

Go to Chapter 2.

10 Responses to “1. Party”

  1. […] Alas, she wrote more. Much, much more. We have made a new section for New Moon and have finished Chapter 1.  Now, we will read for a while, hating our lives more and more with every page […]

  2. The .01 percent of her that is NOT sure is very close to being convinced though.

    I thought it wasn’t possible for Bella to bitch anymore… but she out does herself this chapter, “Oh noooes! I’m 18… that means jury duty… and stuff.” So dumb… just get over it. You don’t have to worry about the age difference becoming strange until you’re like 30.

  3. Something that always really bothered me. Why wasn’t Bella gifted with a digital camera? Or better net access? For the love of god it’s like Bella is living in the Dark Ages of the modern era or something.

  4. So do these vamps just decide how they will react to Bella’s blood each time depending on how it will affect the story or is Meyer just that bad of a writer?

  5. Thinking on the vampire count there’s actually 7 total (Esme, Carlisle, Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, Emmett, and Edward), and it only says 6 are “very hungry” or whatever it is. So Carlisle is still BA. Just wanted to point that out really quick.

  6. bella doesn’t need to worry about aging, because no matter how old she gets, she will never mature beyond 11.

  7. Who was the huge cake for? Vampires feed on bambis, and Bella cannot eat it alone (or I hope so).

  8. “College was Plan B. I was
    still hoping for Plan A, but Edward was just so stubborn about leaving me human…”
    What does she think she’s going to do if she becomes a vampire, quit life forever to become some kind of frilly maid-wife for Edward? Why would she not go to college?

    THANK GOD for you guys or I would NEVER be able to make it through this book. It’s seriously awful. I have to put it down every page or so just to calm my gag reflexes.

    • Sometimes, we wonder how we made it through these ourselves… it must have been all the sprinkle cookies. And the alcohol. 😉 (Just kidding on the alcohol part, of course. … Maybe.)

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