Twilight

About three things we are absolutely positive. First, Stephenie Meyer is not a writer. Second, there is a part of us – and we’re not sure how dominant that part will grow to be – that is seriously considering book burning. And third, we are unconditionally and irrevocably not in love with this book. At all. It fails to dazzle, seduce, enchant, or impress us. In fact, it fails to give us any positive feeling whatsoever.

We are getting ready to embark upon our chapter-by-chapter quest through the “Twilight” series. And before we get started, we just wanted congratulate Meyer for sticking to her Mormon roots and opening the first book with a Bible passage. Kudos. You go on thinking God would endorse this.

And now let the reviewing commence

Also, we found this. It’s a drinking game to go along with the book. Brilliant. Prepare to laugh. And die if you actually play it while reading…

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4 Responses to “Twilight”

  1. […] through the first five chapters of “Twilight,” so you should probably go check them […]

  2. I was unemployed for a spell and decided to try reading the first book, since everyone I knew was obsessed with it. (I’m 26. What the hell?!) I read the whole thing in one day and then promptly called my friend who had assured me, “You love Harry Potter, so you’ll definitely like Twilight.” I gave her a scolding that I hope she won’t forget any time soon. Blegh.

  3. Hey there! I’ve been reading your blog for a while (great job, btw) and I have been thinking of things I could do to further bash Twilight. Since I have a love of writing, I’ve decided to write a parody of Twilight (only the first one – I could barely read this one). I think I’m going to write two: the first is where I pretty much replace Bella with someone way more fun, intellegent, likeable, etc. The second would be the point of view from Bella’s younger sibling (yes, I know Bella doesn’t have a younger sibling, but whatever. It’s a parody.)

    I’ve written the preface and part of the first chapter so far (in the one where I replace Bella). Here’s the preface. Hope you like it!

    Preface

    I’d never given much thought to how I would die – I mean who thinks about that? – but if I had, I’m pretty such this wouldn’t be it.
    I stared across the room into the dark eyes of the hunter and he stared back at me, obviously enjoying this way more than I was.
    I guess this is an interesting way to die, to say the least. Being murdered? Yep, can’t get much more exciting than that.
    If I’d never moved to Fork, this would have never happened. Actually, none of the freaky stuff would have happened. I would be leading a normal, teenaged life. Wow, I suddenly hated Forks a lot more now.
    The hunter smiled ironically as he walked forward to kill me.

    I tried to keep some of the same stuff from the book, but cut A LOT of stuff and added a bit more too. I’m still editing and if you have any suggestions, that would be awesome. Thanks so much! Love the blog!!!

    ~Chey

    PS Sorry about the long post!

    • Sounds like a fun project, and a good start! We already like your version of Bella better than SMeyer’s version…

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