9. Third Wheel

Chapter Synopsis

Bella is feeling a little less emo, and is filling her time with a little more Jacob these days. Life seems to be looking up. Bella continues with her motorcycle riding, but she’s getting decent at it now — which means the voice in her head is fading. She begins trying to think up more adrenaline-inducing activities to partake in, but can’t come up with too much.

Out of the blue (well, not really, because normal people usually keep track of things like days of the month), Jacob gives Bella a Valentine. Bella feels like a schmuck (her word, not ours), and feels slightly awkward because she doesn’t like Jake that way. The two go hiking again, in search of the meadow, but still no luck. Jacob suggests they take the bikes out again on Friday, but Bella has to decline, because she’s promised Mike to finally go to that movie. Jacob is sad about this, so Bella invites him along, too. It’s supposed to be a group thing anyway, so what’s one more?

Of course, Mike tries to turn it into a double date with Ben and Angela. He also suggests going to see a chick flick. But Bella informs him that Jacob’s coming along, and also tells him they’re going to go see “Crosshairs,” a “blood-bath” of a film. Everyone else in the group ends up backing out, and in the end, it’s just Mike, Jacob and Bella that head to the theater. Talk about your awkward situations.

Mike and Jacob eye each other viciously, and Mike spends the ride to the theater pouting in the backseat of Jacob’s car. Bella has to buy Jacob’s ticket, because he’s not old enough to get in to a R-rated movie yet. *Snigger.* Bella sits between the boys at the movie, and they both sit with their hands accessible, in case Bella wants to take hold. Jacob laughs through the movie at how bad and fake it is, and Bella joins him. They both ignore Mike, until Mike suddenly darts out of the theater.

Mike has the stomach flu — it’s going around Forks, apparently — and Bella and Jacob sit outside the restroom to wait for him to stop puking. Jacob tries to get a little handsy, and Bella’s like, “I like you more than anyone else in Forks, but not like that.” Jacob isn’t too upset; he knows Bella’s still not completely over Edward. He also warns her that he’ll hang around and continue to be persistent. Then he holds her hand. This she allows. What a dumb bitch. They eventually help Mike out to the car (armed with an empty popcorn bucket, just in case), and head home.

Bella is freezing in the chilly night air that’s coming through the open window, but Jacob appears to be burning up. He assures Bella he feels fine, though. Bella drives Mike home in his Suburban, and then Jacob drops Bella off. It’s then that Jacob admits that he does feel a little strange, and heads home himself. But not before promising to Bella that he’ll always be around and be there for her. He vows that he’ll never hurt her like some pasty, sparkly boy who shall remain nameless.

Bella goes into inner monologue mode, worrying about how she’s leading Jacob on. (Yeah, you are, Bella. So stop.) She also admits that she loves Jacob — but wishes he’d been born her brother so that she could just love him that way for always. Too bad Jacob is obviously falling for her in a not-so-sibling kind of way. Bella goes inside to wait for Jacob to call when he gets home, but he never does. Finally she calls Billy, who informs Bella that Jacob was too sick to call.

Bella goes to sleep, but is awoken in the middle of the night with stomach issues to go beyond gaping holes. She spends the night hugging the toilet. Charlie is awkward, and doesn’t know how to react to a sick child, and so just gives her some water. It’s only a 24-hour bug, though, and she gets over it soon enough. She assumes that Jake is better, too, but when she calls, he’s still very sick and sounding like crap. Bella expresses interest in acting all maternal, but Jacob tells her not to worry. He says he’ll call her when he’s feeling better. Do you think he’ll call? We’re betting against it.

Best Worst Lines

“I was like a lost moon — my planet destroyed in some cataclysmic, disaster-movie scenario of desolation — that continued, nevertheless, to circle in a tight little orbit around the empty space left behind, ignoring the laws of gravity.” (201)

“‘Well, I feel like a schmuck,’ I mumbled.”

“I couldn’t stand hurting Jacob; we seemed to be connected in an odd way, and his pain set off little stabs of my own.” (203)

“‘Okay,’ Mike muttered, foiled.”

“‘I told him he could — he just finished his car. He built it from scratch, all by himself,’ I bragged, proud as a PTA mom with a student on the principal’s list.”

“‘I’m not old enough to get into this one,’ he reminded me.

I laughed out loud. ‘So much for relative ages. Is Billy going to kill me if I sneak you in?’

‘No. I told him you were planning to corrupt my youthful innocence.'” (209)

“Both of their hands rested lightly, palms up, in an unnatural looking position. Like steel bear traps, open and ready.” (210)

“‘What a marshmallow. You should hold out for someone with a stronger stomach. Someone who laughs at the gore that makes weaker men vomit.'” (211)

“Not just not now, but not ever.” (212)   (…. WTF?) 

“There was nothing left in my life at this point that was more important than Jacob Black.” (212)

“Especially if he was willing to accept me the way I was — damaged goods, as is.”   (Oh yes, Bella, you are sooo damaged.)

“I waited for the memory to hit — to open the gaping hole. But, as it so often did, Jacob’s presence kept me whole.” (214)   (… Excuse us. We just threw up a little bit.)

“I was an empty shell. Like a vacant house — condemned — for months I’d been utterly uninhabitable.” (216)

“The smile broke across his face the way the sunrise set the clouds on fire, and I wanted to cut my tongue out.”   (We wish she would cut her inner monologue out.)

“Even more, I had never meant to love him. One thing I truly knew — knew it in the pit of my stomach, in the center of my bones, knew it from the crown of my head to the soles of my feet, knew it deep in my empty chest — was how love gave someone the power to break you.

I’d been broken beyond repair.

But I needed Jacob now, needed him like a drug.”   (Gratuitous drug use! Gratuitous drug use!)

Things That Really Irk Us

The fact that Mike suggests they go see a romantic comedy instead of an action flick… That cements it — Mike is gay.

The fact that Bella lets Jacob hold her hand and cuddle with her, but then expresses concern over leading him on. But she keeps doing it. Stupid twat. You are a tease, and we hate you.

Going into detail about stomach flu is unnecessary. We’ve all been there, and don’t really need to be reminded.

Final Thoughts

This chapter was completely unnecessary. It did nothing to advance the plot, other than to make Jacob sick with something ominous that is clearly not the stomach flu. And we’re sure we won’t even figure out what it really is for at least the next 100 pages. Why? Because Stephenie Meyer is such a master of suspense and foreboding! Duh.

Go to Chapter 10.

9 Responses to “9. Third Wheel”

  1. […] We have two more chapter reviews for you, and have now read through chapter eleven. Go check out 9 and 10. And stay tuned for more in the near […]

  2. How is it that someone as tramatized by blood as Bella can sit through a “blood bath of a film” as if it were nothing? I kno I can’t stand movies with blood… no matter how fake the effects.

    That was a totally bitchy thing to do to Mike… even if he is a gay bitch.

    • im not sure we’ll ever know…. then again this book is full of plot holes.. for instance Jasper freakin attacks her for having a papaer cut, so how is he able to go to school where kids get papaer cuts every day, it makes no sense

      • Not to mention ALL the Cullens are around menstruating girls ALL THE TIME. How’s that for a plot hole??

      • You guys should check out the new Funny or Die video about Vampax – for girls who date vampires. Hahaha!!!

  3. “I couldn’t stand hurting Jacob; we seemed to be connected in an odd way, and his pain set off little stabs of my own.”

    …says the Grand Duchess of hurting jacob

  4. “‘Okay,’ Mike muttered, foiled.” I thought only dastardly plots made by “evil doers” (haha, Bush) could be foiled. I sincerely apologize, since Meyer’s has no plot this little rule obviously does not apply.

  5. man, to think she was so upset to take the cough medicine in the beginning of the first book. Now she’s happy to be hallucinating and getting her drug fix. There’s a sign that Edward shouldn’t have even entered her life. He’s made her a crazy drug addict who wants to be undead.

  6. ” Heaven knows I had never wanted to USE Jacob, but I couldn’t help but interpret the
    guilt I felt now to mean that I had.
    “…I’d USED him as a crutch for too long”

    Sounds a bit contradictory to me =|
    Also, the house analogy is beyond weird. WTF, Meyer?

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