6. Switzerland

Chapter Synopsis

Bella begins her drive home in a relatively good mood — she knows it was right to pay Jake a visit and get everything out in the open. And to see him smile again. But out of nowhere, Bella isn’t alone on the road — a familiar silver Volvo is suddenly tailing her, following her all the way to Angela’s house. Uh oh. Bella considers pulling over, but decides she doesn’t want to fight with her boo just then. Edward zips off when Bella gets to Angela’s, and Bella is all jumpy and guilty-like as Ben lets her into the house.

Ben is off to the movies with a friend, and Bella follows Angela upstairs where a towering pile of invitations is waiting. The two grab pens and dive in. Eventually, they get to chatting. This is very boring, and not worth mentioning. After a non-awkward bout of silence (remember, Angela is like Charlie, and doesn’t mind silence), Angela asks Bella what’s wrong. Our perceptive, quiet friend can tell that Bella is feeling anxious.

Bella suddenly has the urge to bitch and whine like “any other teenage girl,” and tells Angela that Eddie-kins is mad at her, and she’s worried. Angela asks why, and Bella does her best to describe the Jacob-Edward situation without revealing their mythical creature statuses. Angela insists that Edward must be jealous. Bella doesn’t buy it, but we remind ourselves that Bella in incredibly stupid. The topic of conversation next switches to colleges and dorm rooms (*yawn*) as the girls put the finishing touches (stamps) on the invites. Ben returns, and Bella takes that as her cue to leave. She’s jumpy driving home, but no cars creep along behind her this time.

Bella tells Charlie all about her day when she gets home in order to avoid going up to her room, but she can only put it off for so long. Of course Edward is waiting for her when she does finally go upstairs. And he is not happy. Our two unlikely lovers have the age old “You could have been killed”/”Jacob would never hurt me” argument again. We’re getting sick of this one. But, as usual, it only lasts about a page, and Bella ends up in Edward’s arms, apologizing. She notices that his eyes are still too dark. Edward explains that, as soon as Alice saw Bella disappear, he rushed back to Forks.

Bella gets pouty; this can only mean that Ed will have to leave again. Edward assures her he won’t be going that far away again — and Bella won’t be hanging out with werewolves anymore. (Wait… didn’t we JUST have this conversation like two pages ago? Come on.) Bella finally asks Edward if he’s jealous. He assures her that he’s concerned about her safety, and nothing else. Bella believes this, but also explains to him that she wants to be neutral. Like Switzerland. She doesn’t want to be in the middle of these mythical disputes anymore. Edward tells her that he’ll be gone again the following Saturday to hunt, and Bella decides that she’ll go visit Jake again. She calls him while Ed runs the Volvo home.

But when Thursday (abruptly, we may add) rolls around, Bella can tell something’s up — Alice picks her up from work instead of Edward. Alice informs Bella that the boys left to go hunting a day early, and she and Bella are going to have an extended slumber party! Of course, Bella realizes this is just an elaborate kidnapping plan, plotted in order to keep her from going to see Jacob at all. Edward paid Alice off with the shiny yellow Porsche she’s been wanting, and Bella knows this pay-off isn’t just for this weekend — Alice has clearly been charged with babysitting her EVERY time Edward is away. Bella is pissed, but Alice is on Edward’s side on this one, and she’s not budging.

Alice loans Bella her phone so that she can call Jacob and cancel her plans (when is Bella going to get a phone of her own? Seriously). Jake isn’t happy, but there’s not much Bella can do about it while cooped up in the Cullen house. Bella then makes sure to call Edward and leave him an angry voicemail before heading off to bed.

Bella goes into Edward’s room, where she is surprised to find an elaborate bed waiting for her. But Bella, being stubborn like she is, refuses to sleep in the bed, and sets up camp on Edward’s couch instead. You’re so rebellious, Bella.

Just as she’s trying to doze off, Rosalie knocks on the door and asks to come in.

Best Worst Lines

“It felt so ordinary here. Angela’s easy human dramas were oddly reassuring.” (133)

“’I am Switzerland. I refuse to be affected by territorial disputes between mythical creatures. Jacob is family. You are… well, not exactly the love of my life, because I expect to love you for much longer than that. The love of my existence. I don’t care who’s a werewolf and who’s a vampire. If Angela turns out to be a witch, she can join the party, too.’” (143)

“My voice turned acidic. ‘Yes, because a vampire slumber party is the pinnacle of safety conscious behavior.’” (146)

Things That Really Irk Us

This chapter is so pointless. Another waste of text and paper. We’ve heard the “You can’t see Jacob” argument far too many times. It’s wearing on us.

Bella is still a dumb bitch. Her calling Angela’s life “mundane” bothers us, because we kinda like Angela. She can’t help it that she’s not stupid and in love with a guy who’s stalking her for her yummy blood.

The kidnapping. Really? We’re glad that Bella points out that it’s mildly psychotic, but unhappy that Alice brushes this off and Bella just accepts it. Good boyfriends do not bribe their sisters to hold their girlfriends hostage while they’re away for the weekend.

Final Thoughts

Is Rosalie going to eat her? Please? Please?!?

Go to Chapter 7.

11 Responses to “6. Switzerland”

  1. […] check out Chapter 5 and Chapter 6. We finally learn about imprinting (creepy) and Bella’s stance (or lack thereof) on […]

  2. *Sigh* One would hope someone breaks down and eats her. But there are four books. Alas, no eating.

    • maybe it’ll end with one of them eating her! but that would be a good ending, and we cant have that, now can we?

  3. 6 chapters of pure nothing. This chapter is really called Switzerland????? W-O-W *With three syllables*

    Wasn’t Eddie’s whole argument for leaving Bella n the last book that HIS family was going to kill HER? This whole, “Jacob could kill you!” Makes NO SENSE! Werewolves don’t feed on people, vampires do… therefore… you know what? Why do I even bother? They sparkle in the sunlight for heaven’s sake.

    You guys are right, this is the worst things about the first two books lumped into one super book of terriblness. Just when we thought it couldn’t get any worse too….

  4. I’m at the chapter 20 and – MAJOR SPOILER- still nothing happens!

    Anyway, just wanted to second the comment about “the worst things in the first two books”… It’s 100% true. “Twilight” and “New Moon” were bad, but this one is horrible.

    Also, am I the only one who is really, really sick of Bella/Edward romance? I mean, it’s unhealthy from the beginning, and they never seemed like a decent couple, but their lack of chemistry is so annoying in this book.

  5. Oh my god, I can not even begin to describe how much I hate Bella. And the dumb shit has the nerve to go around bad-mouthing the only semi-decent characters (Jake and Angela) in the whole worthless series. I especially hate this chapter because it it what started all those idiotic “I’m Switzerland” t-shirts. You know what, it makes sense that Bella’s Switzerland, kuz no one like Switzerland!

  6. “‘If Angela turns out to be a witch, she can join the party, too.'”

    congratulations SMeyer, that line made me lol in a “wow, that was a funny line taken in context” sort of way.

    When I first read the “Like Switzerland” thing, I thought you were kidding and made it up. then I saw the quote, then had just noticed the chapter title (yeah, kinda dumb there). I can’t believe she was serious about that. Seriously, if this thing is a satire and is written better it would have been way funnier.

  7. no, wait, guys, this is not a terrible vampire series, it is a cleverly disguised WW2 allegory! it’s been right under our noses the whole time! and stephanie meyer- she is George Orwell reincarnated! oh, it all makes SENSE now!

    oh…sorry, no…. it doesn’t….dammit

  8. The kidnapping scene makes me sick. I just hope the mothers of the IMPRESSIONABLE TWELVE-YEAR-OLD GIRLS who read this crap explain to their daughters that Edward and Bella’s relationship isn’t healthy and what Ed does would certainly get him arrested.

  9. What bugs me is that Switzerland didn’t break their “permanent neutrality” oath and start a war on Smeyer.

    that poor poor country. having to be compared to a mary-sue

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