12. Um, Duh

12. Some People Just Don’t Grasp The Concept of “Unwelcome”

Chapter Synopsis

Jacob is just moments away from sleep when Seth, who’s out running patrol, let’s loose a warning howl. But it’s only Leah, coming to join the “new pack.” Leah is just as antagonistic and sarcastic as usual, and both Seth and Jacob tell her to go away. But she won’t, and Jacob won’t “order” her to. Jacob points out that she doesn’t even like him, and she also doesn’t like vampires. While Leah admits this is true, she claims that she wants to look after Seth. But Jacob eventually gleans her real reasoning — she’d rather be anywhere that Sam isn’t, even if it means following Jacob. Knowing this, Jake realizes that nothing he can say is going to make Leah leave. So he resigns to let her stay.

Leah fills them in on what happened after Jacob went all Alpha. Sam decided to call off the attack, since he was now short two wolfboys, and the Cullens would surely be warned of the pack’s plans. He called a meeting with the Elders, and Leah decided not to show up after a long night of reflection. She also told Mom about what the Clearwater kids have really been up to.

Jacob allows Leah to go run the perimeter with Seth. He, meanwhile, phases, and returns to the Cullen house. Carlizzle is waiting for him on the porch, which startles him. But Carlisle informs him Edward just doesn’t want to leave Bella’s side, because she’s currently awake.

The two sit down on the porch steps, and Carlizzle thanks Jacob for coming to warn and guard his family. Jacob notes that the eldest Cullen already counts Bella as part of his “family,” and asks why, then, is he willing to kill her? Carlisle explains that it’s what Bella wants, and he won’t force her to do anything against her will. These words sound pretty familiar to Jake, and he doesn’t appreciate the irony. He asks if Bella could survive this, and Carlizzle says there’s about a 50/50 chance.

Jacob asks what the demon spawn is doing to Bella to make her so sick and weak so quickly — she’s still hooked up to tubes and machines. Carlisle explains that “the fetus” is sucking all the nutrients from Bella; essentially, both of them are starving. And he doesn’t know what to do, because he doesn’t know what it wants. We, along with Jacob, can guess what it wants — blood. Jacob thinks this, but doesn’t say anything.

Carlizzle then goes on to talk about doctor-y things — about how he wishes he could stick a needle in there and at least get some DNA to see what they’re dealing with. We learn about the chromosomal make-up of all our characters — humans have the usual 23 pairs, vampires have 25, and werewolves have 24. (Vital info, for sure.)

Then suddenly Edward comes outside with a mildly hopeful look on his face, dragging Rosalie — AKA “Blondie” – with him. He’s just had an epiphany while eavesdropping on Jake’s conversation with the Doc. Perhaps they’ve been going about it all wrong. Instead of focusing on what Bella needs, maybe they should try to satisfy the fetus. And, maybe, the fetus is “thirsty.” (Duh!)

Rosalie gets excited — they have a ton of blood stored up for Bella; they should make her drink it and see if it helps! Both Jacob and Edward are repulsed by this idea, but Rosalie argues it may save the baby. (It’s here that Jake realizes Rosalie doesn’t give a shit about Bella, but wants the kid for herself.) They go inside, where Bella looks close to death, and tell her what she’ll have to do. As predicted, she is not grossed out by this idea at all. In fact, if it’ll save the kid, she’s super duper excited for her “first vampire act.”

Best Worst Lines

“I snarled for a long, angry minute.”   (BOTHERED. A minute cannot be “long.” A minute is 60 seconds, no more, no less. A minute can also not be “angry,” as it is an inanimate concept. Ugghhh.)

“’The fetus isn’t compatible with her body.’”

“’Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo,’ I mumbled. He was just like Bella with all the magic garbage.” (237)

“Huh. I wouldn’t have thought the ice-cold Barbie would have a maternal side. So much for protecting Bella — Rosalie’d probably jam the tube down Bella’s throat herself.”

Things That Really Irk Us

We find the most disturbing part of this chapter to be the whole “let’s make Bella drink blood” part. Everything about it.

Firstly, we are irked that NO ONE comes up with the thought that the little demon might want blood as Bella lays there dying, despite all of them being bloodthirsty vampires. We thought you were smarter, Carlizzle.

Secondly, we are really bothered by the suggestion that she *drink* the blood in order to satisfy “the fetus.” Umm.. we’re not medical professionals or anything, but we’re pretty sure that’s not how it works.. The baby is not lying in wait in Bella’s stomach with an open mouth. A baby gets nutrients after the mother digests food — through the blood stream and umbilical cord and such. Yes, we realize this is not a normal baby. But it’s still in Bella’s uterus, encased by some sort of placenta. It really must be a magical babe if it can get stuff directly from Bella’s belly.

And the fact that Bella is down for drinking straight human blood bothers us. This is the girl who passed out when people were pricking their fingers in biology class, for crying out loud. And now she’s ready to down bagfuls of the red stuff through a straw? Good lord.

Final Thoughts

Will they give her the blood in a Bella-friendly sippy cup?

Also, all this talk of blood makes us think of this video. Bluh-dah! BLUH-DAH!

Go to Chapter 13.

17 Responses to “12. Um, Duh”

  1. […] got Chapter 11 and Chapter 12 for you today (yes, TWO chapters!). We’ve also got the next four ready to go, so expect more […]

  2. I hate blood! Talking about blood, seeing it. UHG! I couldn’t handle actually reading this! Gross… I am BOTHERED! You make so many good points that clearly SMeyer never bothered to… moron.

  3. lmao XD

  4. Smeyer- stay AWAY from science!

  5. Great update as always.

    ugh. found out this week there’s going to be a Twilight Conference in town in June. Pity me…

  6. love that video! 🙂

  7. “humans have the usual 23 pairs, vampires have 25, and werewolves have 24.”

    so.. um… werewolves and vampires suffer from mental retardation and some sort of imperfection, then. The last time I checked, people with extra chromosomes suffer from some sort of mental retardation or physiological defect.

    wow. Science Fail.

  8. i think smeyer is obsessed with the letter B. bella, bibbidy bobbidy boo, bada-bing bada-boom, blood, bitch, bothered…..
    Bella is a Bloody Bitch with no Backbone.

  9. If it’s any consolation, most species with differing numbers of chromosomes cannot interbreed but those that do are usually infertile so at least the line of insufferable whingers should end with the demon spawn…

  10. So twenty four pairs right?

    Does that make Jacob a down baby? That would explain the how retarded this chapter is.

    twenty five for sparkledicks?

    Doesn’t that make sparkledicks, like, palsey babies or something. Don’t judge them, it’s not their fault that they had to ride the “short” bus.

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