38. Power

Chapter Synopsis

The Volturi are still conversing in their sharing circle, but the creeping edge of battle (haha, it’s funny to even call it that) has already arrived.

Edward senses Chelsea of the Volturi tryng to break the bindings between the Cullens so that they’ll turn on each other. But Bella is “all over this,” and Chelsea can’t get past her super-speshul shield. Jane can’t get past it, either, although she sure tries her darnedest. Bella can feel pokey spikes hitting the outside of her shield as Jane keeps trying to pierce it.

Tanya wants to know why Chelsea and Jane aren’t waiting for the final decision from Aro and Caius before attacking, and Edward explains that this is how the Volturi roll — they like to incapacitate their victims first, and then pass judgement.

Jane is clearly perturbed that her speshul skillz won’t work against Bella. Bella, feeling smug, grins at Jane, who then lets out a shrieking angry snarl. The creepy Romanians find this amusing, and Alec hurries to console Jane, and then tries using his own speshul power against Bella’s super-duper shield.

Alec’s power (you know, that one that strips enemies of their senses?) works more slowly; Edward says it “creeps.” Bella sees it as a strange clear haze drifting across the ground. The other sparklepires must have seen it, too, because Captain Planet tries to use his Wind and Earth powers to blow it off its course. But no dice; it keeps creeping. Bella freaks out for a moment, and Captain Planet opens up a large fissure in No Man’s Land between the two sides. But, lo and behold, Bella’s shield stops the mist. She notes that it “tastes” sort of like Novocain. We didn’t realize her super-duper speshul shield also came equipped with taste buds. Did she have to pay extra for that?

As the mist twists up and around Bella’s shield trying to find a way in, everyone present is amazed (*gasp!*) at the breadth of Bella’s power. They all ooo and ahhh. And it’s then that Bella knows she can do this. They all start talking battle plans, each of them “claiming” who they’re going to face. Like calling out who you’re covering in a basketball game, only in this case you get to rip their arms off.

Aro chimes in then, saying that there’s no need for violence, and invites those with speshul powers to join the Volturi instead. No takers. Bella actually delights in the thought that she’s going to leave Aro no option BUT to kill her. And then Aro calls for the vote. Caius, of course, votes that Renesmee and Co. must be destroyed. Marcus, on the other hand, votes that Nessie poses no threat. So it’s up to Aro. But before he can cast his vote, Edward hisses “Yes!” like a gay destroying angel and Bella is confused.

Edward calls out to Aro before the last vote. He asks to clarify one point with Aro — that the concern here is that nobody can predict how Nessie will develop, right? Aro says yes. If it could be proven that she would be no danger in the future, then everyone could kiss and make up and go home BFFs again. Edward then smugly tells Aro that Nessie is not, in fact, one-of-a-kind after all.

And suddenly Alice is back. She dances into the clearing, Jasper close on her heels, with three strangers following him — Kachiri (the third Amazon sparklepire), an olive-skinned female vampire with a long black braid, and a young dark-skinned man who doesnt quite move like the rest of them. As he comes into the clearing, Bella gasps at his beauty, and the fact that he has a heartbeat.

Even though the Volturi clearly are ready to attack, Aro allows Edward to speak. He invites Alice to introduce her own witnesses. They are Huilen and her nephew Nahuel, and Huilen launches into a long exposition-y story about how Nahuel came to be.

Huilen lived in the mountains (presumably in south America) with her family and sister Pire. Pire told her sister of an “angel” that visited her in the woods. Huilen knew this was no angel, but a Libishomen (an Incubus, we’re guessing). Pire became pregnant by this dark angel, and she and Huilen ran away into the forest. Pire drank the blood of animals. She named her child Nahuel before he broke her bones and ripped his way out of her womb. Before she died, she begged Huilen to care for Nahuel, and the sister agreed. Nahuel bit Huilen, however, turning her into a vampire. But he stayed by her side while she turned, and the two have lived together ever since.

Aro then addresses Nahuel, asking him his age (150) and at what age he reached maturity (around 7). We learn that Nahuel can survive on both blood and human food, though he prefers the former. And we also learn that Nahuel is not alone — he has three half-breed sisters, all created by a vampire called Joham. It appears that only male half-breeds are venomous, though, because while Nahuel was able to change Huilen, his sisters do not have the same ability.

Caius still wants to destroy Renesmee — and then move south to do away with Nahuel’s siblings. But Aro resigns himself and finally casts his vote: Renesmee is no threat to the realm of vampy-dom. Aro declares it time to leave.

And just like that the Volturi witnesses start to flee, and a very angry Caius and resigned Aro and bored-looking Marcus glide off into the forest. After all those long chapters, they’re gone within a paragraph.

The clearing erupts into cheers (except for the creepy Romanians, who are spitting in the snow in disappointment), and there’s much hugging and kissing and joy and joyness all around. Bella scoops up Renesmee, and they canoodle with Edward and toss around the word “forever” a bit.

Then Bella and Edward kiss with a passion that “might possibly set the forest on fire.” But what does Bella care? Trees, schmrees.

Best Worst Lines

“It probably wasn’t very mature. But I figured it would take Aro about half a second to guess — if he hadn’t already — that my shield was more powerful than Edward had known; I already had a big target on my forehead and there was really no point in trying to keep the extent of what I could do a secret. So I grinned a huge, smug smile right at Jane.” (Why didn’t she stick her tongue out, too, for good measure?)

“I shook my head angrily. I was tired of this charade. The bloodlust was igniting in me again, and I was sorry that I would help the others more by standing still. I wanted to fight.”

“His face glowed with an expression of triumph that I didn’t understand — it was the expression an angel of destruction might wear while the world burned. Beautiful and terrifying.” (730)

“Relief and violent joy surged through me.” (That doesn’t sound pleasant.)

“Then Alice danced into the clearing from the southwest, and I felt like the bliss of seeing her face again might knock me off my feet.”

“’Is it really over?’ I whispered to Edward.

His smile was huge. ‘Yes. They’ve given up. Like all bullies, they’re cowards underneath the swagger.’ He chuckled.

Alice laughed with him. ‘Seriously, people. They’re not coming back. Everybody can relax now.’” (740)

“Happiness expanded like an explosion inside me — so extreme, so violent that I wasn’t sure I’d survive it.

I couldn’t speak anymore. I lifted my head and kissed him with a passion that might possibly set the forest on fire.

I wouldn’t have noticed.” (741)

Things That Really Irk Us

Umm… hello!!! W-T-FUCK? What just happened? There was going to be a big-ass battle with pokey Jane pain and misty Alec pain, but then some random rainforest guy comes frolicking in with Alice out of NOWHERE and suddenly things are fine and dandy? Good lord, this book is terrible.

We also don’t like Bella acting so juvenile, being all smug and whatnot about her speshul skillz. Show off.

And is anyone else disturbed by the fact that Renesmee will be fully developed by the age of 7? Like, she and Jacob will be boning in less than a decade. Yuck.

Final Thoughts

One. More. Chapter. Thank the Lord. This book disgusts us.

Go to Chapter 39.

27 Responses to “38. Power”

  1. […] for you. Spider Monkey finally got her act together and finished up another chapter for you. Chapter 38 is now up. Only one more left to go in the piece of poo that is “Breaking Dawn!” […]

  2. Almost there! thank you for all the chapters so far.

  3. It will take a miracle worker (or God) to turn this piece of crap into a movie.

    I really really feel bad for the director who’s going to take this on.

  4. I think you could probably prescribe this entire book as a form of ipecac, this chapter in particular. Puke.

  5. Brilliant, as usual! 😉
    Just a side note… based on the names of Huilen, Nahuel, Pire, and etc., I think it’s safe to say these random vampires/hibrids/whatever are from the Mapuche tribe in the South of Argentina/Chile. (I’m Argentinian myself!) Nahuel actually means “tiger” in Mapuche. How SM came across these names, or if she even knows what they mean or where they’re from, is beyond me.

    • Well, in the story Huilen tells, she does say that Pire named her son Nahuel after “the jungle cat.” So maybe SMeyer actually got something right for once?? GASP.

      • That could be a case for Mulder and Scully… forces beyond our understanding might be involved…

  6. Deus ex machina much?

  7. Wow. Where I come from, we call this an ass-pull.

    Am I allowed to say that word here?

    It’s really the only thing I can think of to describe this level of complete idiocy…

    • Of course you can say that word here… we’ve said far worse! Plus, you’re right.

  8. WOW… this was… WORSE than I imagined… and that’s saying quite a bit… just… What the fuck????

  9. …I have an overpowering urge to smash things. That was…past horrible. How in god’s name did this ever see the light of day.

  10. You have got to be fucking kidding me… Chapters and Chapters of hand-wringing, we’re all gonna die, last stand at the Alamo crap… and we get the rabbit out of a hat defense and everyone walks away?

    Just when you think SMeyer can’t write anything worse than what has come before, she reaches deeper into the cesspool and pulls out a bigger turd to polish.

  11. ^^ It’s just because Meyer knew that, a) she couldn’t write a half-decent fight scene to save her life, and, b) she couldn’t bear to kill off any of her beloved Mary-Sue characters that she’s half in love with anyway *rant over*

    This chapter made my day – it was the last day of term for me, and to have an update was awesome! This blog rules 😀

  12. I can’t help but wonder how they will manage to split this into two films, there’s barely enough plot for 10 minutes, let alone 2 films :S

    • Split it into 2 films? Ummm… why? (Okay, I know, for money. Any other reason?)

      • To prolong the agony of us anti-Twilight people stuck in the midst on Twi-hards by at least an extra year, that’s why…

  13. Wow. This was random. Any other magical tricks from Eddie? Maybe a cute little were-bunny out of a tophat? And Bella… I cannot express the unfathomable, murky depths of my limitless contempt.
    Hey, but you’re almost at the end! Hold on! Soon the pain will be over!

  14. Ahem….well according to Smeyer:
    ‘If Breaking Dawn were ever made into a movie, it’s hard to imagine it fitting into ninety minutes. The book is just so long! I can’t imagine how to distill it—if I could, the book would be shorter. But maybe a screenwriter can see a way to do it and still cover the crucial plot points.’

    Personaly, i could imagine PLENTY of ways to distill that drawn out piece of literary diarrhoea……

  15. Unfortunately it obviously will be made into a movie no ands, ifs, or buts about it, else they might have a riot of tweens and moms on their hands for not bothering to finish the “saga”….though I must say I have absolutely no idea how they’re going to stretch this out into a two part movie. Just the thought of it being stretched out for so long is painful…..honestly I think they’re just copying the idea from the final Harry Potter movie. It’ll be interesting to see how on earth they manage to do it.

  16. i imagine if this is made into a two-part film, they’ll cut it off either right after the birth or right when whatserface sees the sparklebaby in the woods. then they’ll pull a bunch of drama out of their asses for the second part and make the leadup to the nonfight suspenseful, maybe throw in a few good tussles with the bad guys for good measure.

    i mean, come on. they’ve made movies out of less. the directors/screenwriters will figure something out.

  17. This is true I suppose. Though whenever I try to picture this 2 part movie it just makes me shudder and cringe in embarrassment. I feel embarrassed for RP and KS since obviously they don’t feel enough for themselves…well, maybe RP does. Poor guy. But it’ll definitely be interesting to see how said actors pull this last book off.

    But yeh, Raven, I agree that the directors/screenwriters will figure something out. They always do it seems.

  18. Another sexist example. What? Female hybreeds can’t have some kickass venom but males can? Niceee going SMeyer…stereotyping your own gender….

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