5. Imprint

Chapter Synopsis

Edward goes out on a hunting trip, leaving Bella alone and free to do what she pleases. What does she want to do? Jacob! (Not literally — she prefers cold, wet pasty things.) So Bella and Jacob have a little têt a têt at La Push, where he fills Bella in on Sam, Quil, Embry and all the other Quileutes that she’s friends with… but not really. Quil is psyched to be part of the ‘in’ crowd now, and Emily and Sam are getting hitched soon.

Jacob shares a juicy tidbit with Bella about how Emily and Sam became an item. Turns out Sam was boning Harry Clearwater’s daughter, Leah, all through high school, then he went through the ‘change’ into a (wolf)boy! A real (wolf)boy!! He disappeared for a couple of weeks and when he returned, some of the elders recognized his temperature and other traits as signs of being a werewolf. After they gave him some advice and explained what had happened to him, he tried to continue as he normally would. He apologized to Leah for being gone so long, and for his mood swings. One day, her bffer and second cousin, Emily, came to visit and, because of the weird imprinting business that comes along with exploding into a giant wolf, Sam KNEW she was his soulmate. He left Leah for Emily, and then was able to share his dark wolfboy secrets with Emily. And then he mauled her face, but she loved him for it and understood why it happened, so they’re getting hitched. And Leah is a bridesmaid. SWEET! (Are there any relationships that AREN’T dysfunctional in this freaking series?)

After talking a bit more about this and that, Bella learns that Jacob isn’t aging. Once the wolves turn, they become ‘fully grown’, meaning they’re about 25. The only time they can age is when they can keep themselves from morphing. This little tidbit pisses Bella off: How could the gods be SO cruel to her mortal body? Why must the two men in her life never age while she just sits there getting OLD all the time!? How UNFAIR!

Then Jacob shares with her that he was playing mind games with Edward back at the school the other day, sharing some of his own memories of Bella during her holey time. Bella then gets pissy about that, and makes Jacob promise never to be mean to her Eddie-kins again, even if he is an asshole. Jacob complies, and the two continue to canoodle a bit in the sun until Bella realizes Alice will be getting worried about her if she doesn’t show up soon. The two part, promising to try to see each other again soon.

Best Worst Lines

“Quil’s not looking for pity. Just the opposite — he’s jazzed. Totally thrilled.”   (Jazzed? Really?? Who SAYS that?)

“’You were thinking something that bothered Edward.’ Bothered wasn’t quite the word for it, but I wanted an answer, so I thought it was best not to start out too severely.”   (EDWARD IS BOTHERED!!!)

“‘See,’ I explained. ‘I don’t care who’s a vampire and who’s a werewolf. That’s irrelevant. You are Jacob, and he is Edward, and I am Bella. And nothing else matters.” (130)   (Thanks for clearing that one up, Bella. We were confused for a minute.)

Things That Really Irk Us

Jacob still wants to bone Bella. Bella still prefers cold, clammy vampires that want to kill her as opposed to warm, fuzzy, sweet, relatively lovable guys who just want to protect her.

Well, the chapter was short — which doesn’t irk us. What REALLY irks us is the fact that nothing happens, except for that scandal about Sam. Ohhh, yummy wolf scandal. Another chapter that probably could have been left out, however, we’re sure that SMeyer will bring this little têt a têt up in a Bella-Edward blowout. (Or not, since it makes sense.)

Final Thoughts

Goo. This is just plain frustrating. And we still hate Bella.

Go to Chapter 6.