2.Open Book

Chapter Synopsis

Edward has gone missing, and our jock (Mike)  and nerd with the skin problem (Eric) are fighting for Bella’s attention. Bella, of course, is too good for them and their petty, high-schooler feelings. She prods her father for information about the Cullen family, and Edward is absent the rest of the week (not due to illness).

It snows in Forks on Monday, and Edward finally returns to the cafeteria, in an apparently good mood. A mild stare-fest continues until Biology, where Edward formally introduces himself to Bella and double-checks their lab work. Somehow this is sexy? There is much silly banter and “get to know you chatter” that’s not really worth mentioning.

Best Worst Line

“The next day was better… and worse.” (29)

“I made the Cowardly Lion look like the terminator.” (30)

Things That Really Irk Us

We understand that snow is wet, but you do not need to keep referring to it as “mush balls.” Seriously.

Meyer uses “dazzling” for the first time to describe Edward on page 43. Another trend that haunts us throughout the remainder of the book.

It also bothers us that Stephenie Meyer must describe the exact make, model, and color of every vehicle in the book… just not Bella’s old-ass truck.

Final Thoughts

The content of these first two chapters leads us to believe that there cannot be much substance to this book. As you can see, we have summed up about fifty pages in two pages. (Minus the terrible writing, horrible dialogue, lack of characterization and everything else you learn in your 101 English Composition classes.)

Thus far, if we could workshop Meyer’s book, we would have scarpped about 35 pages. At least. No, let’s amend that — we would have told her to try her hand at something else. Namely, anything that’s not writing.

Go to Chapter Three.