5. Cheater

Chapter Synopsis

This chapter is one of the few that actually starts out with Bella in the middle of something (gasp!). She’s at work, and Mike is telling her to head home, since there’s not really anything to do. The weather, of course, is matching Bella’s mood. Which, probably isn’t hard to do when you’re a angsty teen in a very rainy state. Bella informs us through her laborious inner monologue that she’s been having nightmares. But not scary nightmares where someone jumps out and yells “Boo!” Nightmares where there’s just nothingness. Yes, we’d wake up screaming, too. (Not.)

On her drive home, Bella has a bit of a breakdown when she strives to feel numb again but can’t. She pulls over on the side of the road and hugs herself for a little while, being very angst-ridden once again. More mention of holes in vital organs ensues. We think perhaps Bella needs a shrink, too.

Eventually, Bella decides to look around to see where she ended up (we’re glad she’s such a safe, attentive driver), and realizes she’s in front of a yard with two old motorcycles down by the curb. They have for-sale signs on them, and suddenly Bella gets an idea. This is exactly how she can be reckless to get back at Charlie and he-who-cannot-be-named-for-fear-of-bringing-on-more-angst.

Bella sloshes through the rain to the house, and asks about the bikes. Lucky for Bella, the owner tells her she can just take them — they’re rusty and broken anyway. Bella (with help, of course) loads the bikes into her truck. But however will she fix them up so she can dangerously and recklessly ride them? Oh wait, she thinks — don’t I know a mechanically-inclined Indian boy who has a bit of a thing for me? Bella calls Charlie to get the Blacks’ number, and Charlie is ecstatic at the prospect of Bella stopping over to see Billy and Jacob. Little does he know of her real motives…

So Bella drives over to the Blacks’ house, and is met outside by Jacob, who has grown even taller since she last saw him. He’s 6’5 now and sexy, in case you were wondering. Bella lets Jacob in on her plan for the bikes, and Jacob, being a typical 16-year-old boy, is psyched about the prospect. They sneak the bikes into the garage, and work out their deal. Since Jacob won’t accept payment, Bella tells him she’ll pay for the parts, and give Jacob one of the completed bikes. It’ll come out of her college-schmollege fund.

Best Worst Lines

“Leather-Face laughed and rolled his eyes.” (121)

“I took one hand from the steering wheel and wrapped it around my torso to hold it in one piece.” (123)

“Sometimes, kismet happens.” (126)   (Yeah, we had no idea what it meant either. Apparently “kismet” is Turkish for destiny or fate… Which means this sentence makes no sense.)

“So maybe it wasn’t kismet. Maybe there were just all kinds of ways to be reckless, and I only now had my eyes open to them.” (126)

“‘Is it ever going to stop?’ I shook my head in disbelief. ‘You’re huge.’

‘Still a beanpole, though,’ he grimaced.” (132)

College-schmollege, I thought to myself.” (136)

Things That Really Irk Us

We’re still skipping around in tenses, and it’s annoying. S. Meyer, your editor stinks.

Bella is still driving us crazy. And she’s also totally using Jacob for his mechanical knowledge. Not cool.

Final Thoughts

Poor Jacob Black. Let’s just hope that if (oh, okay, when) they get together, Jacob realizes how crazy Bella is and dumps her.

Go to Chapter 6.
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14 Responses to “5. Cheater”

  1. […] om-nom-nom: we don’t want to eat this shit up…at all).  We reviewed chapters four and five and read through chapter eight (page 201). Luckily for us, we also discovered a nifty torrent so […]

  2. “Sometimes, kismet happens.”

    But don’t you know? Using very obscure synonyms for fate that no one uses makes your book good! Screw plot and character development; all you need is a thesaurus.

  3. Exactly. A thesaurus, but no dictionary or grammar guide. And you’re totally set.

  4. “‘Is it ever going to stop?’ I shook my head in disbelief. ‘You’re huge.’” ~thats what she said.

  5. And promptly Meyer ruins my contentness with Jacob’s hight. At this rate Jake will be 7 1 by the last book.. and that is not at all cool.

  6. Seriously if Stephanie Meyer is still trying to make me feel bad about Eddie leaving a non-exsistent hole in her organs then it’s not working. I feel bad about Jakey, who is being used and is too naive and young to notice.

  7. “Kismet happens” = “shit happens”.

    • Yeah, in that instance it seems to. But then when Meyer continues to use “kismet” later, it actually does seem to mean “fate.” We wish she would just use normal words and stop trying to dazzle us with her Thesaurus skills.

  8. hey im turkish and im very surprised when i see the word kısmet 🙂 its very proper for that sentence i think. because kısmet is not just only fate its used for lucky events! for example; “i dont know im gonna find the one, its kısmet” or “i came across one of my old best friends its kısmet!” i hope i could explain it 🙂

  9. She needs more than just a shrink, what she needs is a white padded cell and psychiatrists. she’s freaking schizo!

  10. Ya, the whole tenses thing really started to bug me at this point. It makes you realize that SMeyer isn’t the only person to blame for this series. There’s a whole office full of people somewhere that read each book multiple times, discussed with eachother and SMeyer, and then decided to give her a publishing contract.

  11. “Not again today, I pleaded silently. I was spent.”

    That’s what she said. >.>

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