17. Visitor

Chapter Synopsis

(The suspense in the beginning of this chapter is very suspenseful. … Not.) Bella stares into an unnaturally white face with pitch-black eyes as the lights flicker on. You think for less than .2 seconds that maybe it’s Victoria. But then Bella flings herself at… Alice. Wow, talk about anti-climactic.

They hug for a while, with Bella being sure to get a good whiff of her old, yummy-smelling friend. And then she starts bawling, and Alice carries her into the living room and holds her in her lap. … Not weird. At all. Alice hasn’t hunted in a while, though, and Bella eventually gives her a little space.

Alice then explains why she’s there — she saw Bella jump off the cliff, and assumed that she was dead. She is now confused, because Bella is (unfortunately) still alive. Bella details the whole misunderstanding, and explains that she was not, in fact, trying to commit suicide at all, and that Jacob saved her. This bugs Alice, because she didn’t see that last part, and just wasted money on a plane ticket. Bella admits that Jacob is a werewolf, and that they’re kinda BFFs now. Alice is somewhat appalled.

But she’s even more appalled when Bella explains that the werewolves are back because Laurent and Victoria have been snacking on local hikers while they hunt her down. Alice concludes — after hearing the full story from Bella — that perhaps the Cullens’ leaving wasn’t the best move to keep Bella safe. Alice can also sense that Bella is resembling Swiss cheese with all her angsty break-up holes, and tells her so.

Their conversation is interrupted, however, by Jacob calling to make sure Bella is still alive, and then angrily hanging up when she assures him she is. (Hmm… we’d be pissed, too, Jake.) Alice then starts talking about leaving so she can go clue Carlizzle in about the misunderstanding, but Bella freaks out and starts hyperventilating and begging Alice not to go. Alice (having spent some time in the looney bin herself) reconsiders, and agrees to stay in order to calm Bella down. But she has to go hunting first. So off she dances for a while.

While she’s gone, Bella readies up a bed on the couch, takes a shower, and eventually eats some food. (Yes, this passage is just as boring as it sounds.) Alice eventually comes back, and she and Bella cuddle on the couch. Bella asks if *gulp* Edward knows that Alice is in Forks. Alice lets slip that Eddie has no idea, because he’s not currently living with Carlizzle and Esme.

Their convo is interrupted again, this time by Charlie returning home. Bella rushes out to meet him and gives him a big awkward hug. Then she’s like, “Oh yeah, P.S. Dad, I know your friend just died, but look! Alice is here!” Charlie is okay with this, because he always liked Alice anyway. He goes inside to eat, and Alice and Bella go back to snuggling on the couch. Bella learns that Carlizzle doesn’t even know Alice is in Forks, because he and Esme are out hunting. Bella wants to stay up and talk to Alice foreverrrrr, but ends up falling asleep.

She wakes up the next morning and eavesdrops on the conversation Charlie and Alice are having in the kitchen about her. Charlie is telling Alice about how emo Bella has been since Edward dumped her, and how worried he’s been about her. We find out (way late) that Charlie tried to send Bella to Jacksonville with her mom, but Bella threw a tantrum and wouldn’t go. Then she went into zombie mode, and Charlie didn’t know what to do. Bella, in the other room, is upset that she was such a bad actress; she didn’t fool Charlie at all. (Well, at least KStew shouldn’t have any problem with this!) Charlie assures Alice that Bella’s been getting better, thanks to her hanging out a lot with Jacob Black, but says he’s worried what Alice’s visit might do. (Holessss. More holessss.)

Bella eventually decides to make some waking-up noises, and Alice and Bella spend the day chatting about the Cullens (save he-who-shall-not-be-named, of course) while Charlie is out helping the Clearwaters with funeral arrangements. Carlizzle is working nights and teaching part-time at Cornell. Esme is restoring an old house. Jasper is taking classes. Emmett and Rosalie went to Europe on yet another honeymoon. And Alice has been researching into her life pre-bloodsucking. They were all spending spring break in Denali with Tanya and her family. Blah blah blah. Talking, talking.

The next morning is the funeral, and Bella makes sure to note the outdated suit that Charlie comes down the stairs in. While Charlie is gone (why doesn’t Bella go???), Bella cleans the house, and Alice watches. They chit-chat.

Then the doorbell rings, and Alice is bothered because she didn’t sense anybody about to ring the doorbell. (This is yet another hint that Alice cannot “see” the werewolves, in case you’re really dumb.) Alice excuses herself, and Bella goes to answer the door.

Best Worst Lines

“I’d forgotten how hard she was; it was like running headlong into a wall of cement.” (382)

“She was thirsty. And I smelled appetizing. It had been a while since I’d had to think about that kind of thing.”

“‘Bella promised,’ her voice imitated his so perfectly that I froze in shock while the pain ripped through my torso.”

“I’d let her go on, even after I realized the misunderstanding she was under, just to hear the perfect bell tone of her voice.”

“I gnawed on my lip for a second.”   (AHA! Is this why KStew always does it??)

“‘Leave it to you, Bella. Anyone else would be better off when the vampires left town. But you have to start hanging out with the first monsters you can find.'” (387)

“I didn’t want to argue with Alice — I was still trembling with joy that she was really, truly here, that I could touch her marble skin and hear her wind-chime voice — but she had it all wrong.”

“‘Don’t go, Alice,’ I whispered. My fingers locked around the collar of her white shirt and I began to hyperventilate.”   (Really? Seriously?)

“‘What did you think you were going to find? I mean, besides me dead? Did you expect to find me skipping around and whistling show tunes?'” (389)   (If only…)

“She grimaced. Even making faces, she looked like an angel.”   (Gregory the Grimacing Angel. Yes, he always was one of our favorites from the Nativity story.)

“I rested my head on her stone shoulder, and drifted into a more peaceful oblivion than I had any hope of.”

“It was like someone had died — like I had died. Because it had been more than just losing the truest of true loves, as if that were not enough to kill anyone. It was also losing a whole future, a whole family — the whole life that I’d chosen…” (398)   (Gaaaaag us with that new sparkly dildo, please.)

Things That Really Irk Us

SMeyer, you stink at suspense.

The fact that Charlie loooovessss Alice. Her character is so underdeveloped that it’s imossible to actually believe anyone liking her so much.

The painnn. All the paaaaiiiinnnn. We really don’t understand how Bella still isn’t over Eddie. Maybe if Jacob did a little more stalking and was a bit creepier?

Final Thoughts

This chapter is pretty pointless. We are fully aware of how emo Bella is. Is this SMeyer’s abrupt way of writing Jacob out of the plot? Oh wait… there never was a plot, so that’s not possible.

Go to Chapter 18.