21. Trails

Chapter Synopsis

Bella wakes up after a night filled with rejection; she wanted to see Eddiekins’ hard, David-like pecks (and nether-regions), but he did not want to see her extremely flat chest. But she was surprised with a present on her finger, even if it was a hand-me-down. But what to wear, what to wear? Ah! Bella HAS to be unconventional and show how much she doesn’t care, and therefore decides that a nice pair of old sweatpants will do. Then, it’s time to get down to business — socks or no socks?

The lovebirds’ night in paradise is over as the Cullens return home about noon, bringing with them a ‘businesslike’ feel to the atmosphere. Alice shares the weather forecast she has seen, warning that Edward may want to pack a winter jacket. (Does the weather affect vampires in this novel? Throwing us for another loop there, SMeyer.) Bella and Edward pack up their sweet camping gear to go head into the mountains with the wolves.

Bella calls to make the final arrangements with Jacob, and Billy intercepts the call, reassuring her he will take care of Claude. Before Eddie-kins and Bella leave, Alice pulls Bella aside to talk about “female things.” Alice asks Bella if she loves her (awkward much?) and scolds Bella for not inviting her to the future Las Vegas wedding with Eddie-kins. Alice is almost crying at this point, pleading with Bella to allow her to plan their wedding. Bella is stunned and taken aback by the generous request. But Bella is also pissed — tradition disgusts her; she HAS to be different. After all, the marriage license is really only so Bella can get to Edward’s disco stick. Edward sweetly promises in her ear that they will go to Vegas and that they won’t have to worry about Alice’s request, which miffs Alice. Alice grabs Bella’s hand to see the ring, which is no longer there. Edward explains that Bella has issues with jewelry, and then there is some cryptic banter between Alice and Edward about ‘his diamond.’

Bella and Edward headed toward THE ever popular clearing, Edward carrying her all the way (more economical: less energy wasted, since Bella has to keep up her strength so that she can… whine). Bella heads north into the woods, touching things to leave a trail. Because she is both a) directionally challenged and 2) always capable of getting lost in those DAMNED woods, Edward follows close by. She hopes that it won’t snow, the way that it had in Alice’s vision… but it is a cold day for June, so she expects it. As expected, Bella falls, hurts her hand, and bleeds. Thankfully, Eddie-kins knows she isn’t the most blessed when it comes to coordination. The  two then wait to meet up with Jacob.

Jacob meets up with them and whisks Bella nine miles away, where they plan to eventually meet up with Edward. Once Eddie-kins is gone, Bella and Jacob become the bffers that they are. They chat about the weather and the new heart trinket on her charm bracelet, and then converse about the conversation they had about a conversation Bella and Eddie-kins had the last time they saw each other… yea. That thing they were having a conversation about seemed to, maybe, have something to do with the fact that Bella and Edward are engaged, but SMeyer thought it would be a better idea to let the readers guess the topic of this not-so-witty banter.

The conversation turns sour when Jacob repeatedly brings up the fact that he loves Bella and is better for her than Eddie-kins. Jacob, the stupid mutt that he is, mentions that he could take Edward on, but doesn’t want to cut the Cullen clan short. Then, to Bella’s surprise, she realizes that Edward COULD die, which would KILL her! Queue Bella’s sobbing. After (yet again) establishing how Jacob feels for Bella and how terrible Edward is for her, they come to the conclusion they are great friends and that Jacob should back off (but not really) and make sure things stayed that way… And (SURPRISE!) Jacob will be staying with Ed and Bella tonight. (It’s like one, big, happy, family — mom, dad and doggy…)

Bella decides to play fifty questions with Jacob, pushing him to explain how he became ‘Beta’ dog, especially if everything is based on lineage and Jacob’s blood is that of a chief. He finally explains that he should have been Alpha dog, not Sam Uley, but that he didn’t want that responsibility. Jacob cuts her short since the terrible snow storm of June is now rolling through. He curls Bella up to his chest and sprints to the new clearing, where they meet with Edward.

Best Worst Lines

“I couldn’t speak. I was leaving them one short. What if someone got hurt because I was so weak? But what if I was brave and Edward… I couldn’t even think it.”   (But wait…didn’t you just think it?)

“He leapt easily from rock to rock, not seeming to need his hands at all. His perfect balance reminded me of a mountain goat.”

“‘I’m not some freaky werewolf, Jacob.'”   (No. I’m a human that WANTS to get freaky with vampires.)

“He frowned, uncomfortable with my questions. Well, it was his turn to feel uncomfortable.”   (Not that you haven’t made Jacob feel uncomfortable or, most likely, suicidal before.)

“I stared at him, feeling an unexpected kind of awe for my friend. He was more of a grown-up than I’d ever given him credit for. Like with Billy the other night at the bonfire, there was a majesty here that I’d never suspected.”

“He hung his jacket on a low, stubby branch, and walked into the murky forest without a backward glance.”   (*pats head* think. think. think… where’s my honey pot?)

Things That Really Irk Us

While neither of us is even remotely amused by the fact that Bella and Edward are engaged to be married right out of high school (which gives teens an even more unrealistic idea about young relationships), they are talking about running off to Vegas. We get it, Bella, you just want Eddie-kins to bone you and that’s why you’re marrying him (yet another great message: Abstinence first, kids! Just get married sooner so that sex is acceptable! YEA!), but good GOD, could you be even remotely girly about it and ENJOY the fact that you’re about to marry the ‘manpire of your dreams’?

It is obvious that SMeyer is trying to get her readers interested in the ‘big fight’ tomorrow, and to add an extra element of intensity she must be sure for there to be a big storm-a-brewin’. But wait! This could not possibly be a thunderstorm in June! No, no… it must be something absurd like a HUGE blizzard! (After all, a warm rain would not make Bella shiver and stammer with the weak vulnerability that a deep freeze would.)

This chapter is FULL of far-off stares and sighs. Everybody seems to be so pensive about their ridiculously complicated lives. Being an emotionally unstable teen torn between a cold blooded creature and a fuzzy wolf is difficult. So is loving a cold, selfish, weak, sniveling bitch.

Final Thoughts

Sorry that the ‘things that really irk us’ seem a bit harsh, but REALLY SMeyer? We’re getting REALLY sick of this crap. It’s ridiculous. For the love of GOD, we hope that there is some character development SOMEWHERE in this terrible excuse for a series (no, no it is NOT a ‘saga’) that MIGHT salvage your reputation as a ‘writer.’

We would also greatly appreciate it if you would get a grip on reality, so as not to indoctrinate the impressionable minds of the world’s youth with unrealistic ideas about love and relationships. This is getting to be a bit too scary.

Go to Chapter 22.

18 Responses to “21. Trails”

  1. […] now, we have Chapter 21 […]

  2. Dear lord this site completes me 🙂

  3. You guys honestly make my day.
    SMeyer can’t write to save her life, I mean HONESTLY.

    Twilight is the worst. And a Saga? As if.

    But I agree with Kirra.
    This site completes me.
    You guys are awesome.
    -thumbs up-

  4. Helloooo
    I´ve REALLY enjoyed reading twilight, and even liked new moon (in spite of feeling the ridiculous of it all). When I got to eclipse thing started to piss me off. A LOT. The no-plot thing… I guess I´d actually like it best with no action scenes. They are soooo lame. I can even picture what´s going on. And the angst becomes unbearable at eclipse. But… I HAVE GOT to finish the so-called saga (for the sake of completeness, you know…). Finding your web site was a gift! Now I read the book with the comical eye, which makes it a lot lighter. I´m having F-U-N!

    Hey, you HAVE to get to page 99 of Breaking Dawn ASAP. Yeah, it takes that long to get to the “making love” action (not sex, despite all the bruises).

    Just keep up the good work! LUV the site!

  5. Meyer fails… again. Another pointless chapter full of bad messages for teens. Is she really THAT stupid and untalented? I really hope she didn’t really mean to include all those bad messages in her “saga”.

  6. Yeah… a snow storm in June. That seems like great idea… just so much failure in so many pages. Torture.

    • I think that’s how the character development goes. Bella is shown more as a selfish whiny immature horny little girl, Edward… well, is Edward with his… Edwardness… Jacob becomes creepier by the second… it’s development in the worst kind of way. >>.

  7. Aww, thanks for all the kind words, guys! We’re glad that we’re still managing to be amusing in a life-completing sort of way. Awesome.

  8. “He leapt easily from rock to rock, not seeming to need his hands at all. His perfect balance reminded me of a mountain goat.”
    that is all.

  9. “Alice shares the weather forecast she has seen, warning that Edward may want to pack a winter jacket.” please tell me that Alice did not use her awesome vampy sense to predict what anyone can see on the news? LAAAAAME!

  10. snow in June? I thought, “well, if it can snow in florida… let me check weather.com just in case meyers is right.” she wasn’t, which honestly does not surprise me.

  11. The romantic scenes in this whole series make me want to cleanse myself. So gross!

  12. If Alice’s powers are based on decisions, how can she see the weather in the first place? Psychics make terrible plot devices.

  13. It doesn’t snow in June, except maybe in the high peaks of the cascades, but that’s it. It hardly snows at all in this state… Even in winter! ugh Meyer you suck.

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