31. Talented

Chapter Synopsis

This chapter begins with a friendly disagreement between Tanya and Jacob about whether or not the werewolves are as nimbly-bimbly, strong and “useful” as the sparklepires in this dire situation. Nobody wins the argument, but everybody can agree that Eleazar’s pacing and thinking out loud is quite intriguing. He cannot wrap his mind around Renesmee’s powers since her father is a mind reader and her mother is a whiny bitch… er, a “shield.” This “shield” idea is the most INTELLIGENT and ASTUTE observation the entire room has heard since the beginning of TIME. Bella can block speshul powers and nobody can read her mind — THAT’S her speshul power! MINDBLOWING!

What makes Bella especially unique is that she had these powers before she was turned, AND she’s only a few months old. Guess what else? One of Aro’s personal body guard’s, Renata, has a similar power, though it developed differently. Eleazar suggests that since Bella is so young, perhaps she can develop the ability to project her “shield” outward in order to protect other people, such as Eddie-kins. Kate (who has an ouchy power similar to that of a Taser) can sort of do it, but she can only form a small force-field around her skin, and that took her centuries of hard work! No worries, though, with our luck, a few minutes trying to teach Bella and she’ll probably be able to make a protective barrier around the world against magical sparklpire powers from outer space.

Then, suddenly, Eleazar has another thought that only Eddie-kins can read: He finally understands why all of the Volturi are coming for the Cullens.

When Eleazar was one of the Volturi, he passed private information about different mature covens and what crimes they had committed that would lead all of the Volturi, especially Aro, to attend the coven’s punishment. Aro never did this unless they were going to destroy an entire coven and, at the last moment, he would ‘read the thoughts’ of one of the remaining members and see that they were repentant and grant them a place in his guard. These lucky chosen vampires always had speshul powers that Aro wanted — which was the true reasoning behind the Volturi’s actions. Aro was “collecting” them.

To prep for the battle, Eleazar shares the powers of one of the guards — Chelsea. She can strengthen or loosen bonds between people and even entire covens, which often leads to broken alliances and the Volturi crushing the enemy. But because Eleazar’s and Carlizzles’ covens can experience love without blood lust, he’s not too worried about them being split up. He still cannot understand why Aro would leave to come here, though, leaving the other ancients unprotected in Volterra.

Edward explains that he remembers Aro’s thoughts in wanting Alice more than anything, which sparks Bella’s memory of a dream where Eddie-kins and Alice were part of the Volturi. Maybe Alice saw that too, and she left knowing she was in danger? Regardless, it looks like maybe Aro is coming to “collect” some of the Cullens, too.

There is a lot of arguing between the clans about why and who the Volturi are coming for when Bella hears tires in the driveway. Is it Claude? Crap. It’s not. It’s Peter and Charlotte.

Best Worst Lines

“’She is special, that little one,’ Tanya mused.”

“Jacob’s eyes flickered to Renesmee — still in Carmen’s arms with Kate hovering over them — and it was easy to read the longing in them.”   (Umm, ew.)

“I frowned. ‘What are you talking about? How can I be a shield? What does that even mean?’ All I could picture in my head was a ridiculous medieval suit of armor.”   (Because you, Bella, are a ridiculous moron.)

“’Momma, you’re special,’ Renesmee told me without any surprise, like she was commenting on the color of my clothes.”   (Lies.)

“Though this was a human memory, it was sharper, more painful than most of the others — like it had been branded into the tissues of my brain.”

“’But after a lot of practice, I can radiate the current all over my body. It’s a good defense. Anyone who tries to touch me drops like a human that’s been Tasered.’” (600)

“’There is one among the guard,’ Edward said, explaining Eleazar’s angry reaction. ‘Her name is Chelsea. She has influence over the emotional ties between people. She can both loosen and secure these ties. She could make someone feel bonded to the Volturi, to want to belong, to want to please them. …’”   (Spider Monkey gets Draco and The Destroying Angel calls Aro. Oh boy! Bring those pasty, receding-hairline sparklepires to us!)

Things That Really Irk Us

SMeyer sets up, what could be, a sweet foreshadowing of events with the whole “Aro leaving Volterra to come to Forks and deal with the Cullens, thus leaving the ancients unprotected.” Alice and Jasper left to go to Volterra and take them out with some other badass coven that has something to do with the Jenkins person — right? … We aren’t getting our hopes up either.

The fact that it took Bella and the Cullens THAT long to realize that her special powers were her ability to not be affected by other sparklepire’s powers. Seriously? Book four and some random ass, old-as-shit, former member of the Volturi has to spell it out for you?! GAH!

The fight is nearing and we have yet to get a vibe as to where the climax is.

Final Thoughts

This is worse than not having sex for two years, going after what you think is going to be a sweet piece of tail. You fool around and it’s AWESOME, but when the deed finally happens, you come to find out his penis is the size of a tampon and he lasts for 30 seconds. Seriously.

Go to Chapter 32.

8 Responses to “31. Talented”

  1. Its… its just become painful at this point and since when can Nessie speak!?

  2. Well I haven’t checked this out for a while and had to go through five chapters to get all caught up. I’m feeling very sad right now so I’m going to go read about Dr McNinja punching Dracula in the face. I’ll picture that it’s Bella. That should cheer me up.

  3. if babby can speak, that what does she say to jacob? can she feel the longing? i pictured like a hairspray ‘i can hear the bells’ thing when i read that

  4. I agree, knowing Meyers we would be best off not getting our hopes for a semi plot up.

  5. For the love of good literature, kill me now.

  6. Oh god…she’s a shield?

    Yes, because Bella, the most selfish, self-centred character in literature would have the superpower of protecting other people. Even when she’s thinking about Edward or some such shit she inevitably brings the train of thought back to her. Even when she’s having these incredibly self-loathing moments there’s no attempt to stop her continuing these thoughts, like she revels in it. Whether negative or positive, she cannot focus on anything other than herself. So YES Meyer, she WOULD be a shield.

    • Well the thought of Bella having the ever living crap kicked out of her while everyone else stays safe does have a certain appeal to it. That’s what shields do after all…

  7. Arrrrgh. ONE more word about how speshul Bella and Renesmee are and I’m going to kill somebody. (Most likely the author.)
    Just imagine an everyday conversation between the happy couple and their little hellspawn:
    – Momma, you’re so speshul!
    – Oh no, sweetie, you’re more speshul than me!
    – No, my dear spider monkeys, you’r equally speshul!
    – No, daddy, you’re the most speshul of us!
    – No, dearest, you’re.
    – No, you’re.
    – No, you’re.

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