14. Family

Chapter Synopsis

Bella and Jacob are standing at the edge of the woods, with Bella hiding behind Jacob, expecting four huge wolves to come out of the trees. Lo and behold, they are only four “really big,  half-naked boys.” Oh, thank god. They all look exactly alike and are furious when they notice Bella there. (They can smell her stupidity from a mile away.)

One boy (who we later figure out is Paul) is extremely angry, and starts yelling at Jacob. Jacob explains that Bella can help, but Paul is really mad and morphs into a werewolf (better yet, ‘explodes’ into a werewolf). He explodes into a giant silver puff ball… with pointy teeth. Jacob takes a running start, diving and also exploding into a pointy-toothed puffball, and then fights Paul. Note: all clothing is shredded in the process of this morph. (Can’t wait to see that in the movie… not.) They go off into the woods, and Sam runs after them to mediate things.

Bella stands there staring and dumbfounded as Embry inquires as to whether or not she is okay, whilst he and Jared pick up the shredded clothing. Poor Jacob shredded his last pair of shoes. They tell Bella she looks ill, and she sits with her head between her knees again. Embry and Jared talk about how dumb Jacob is for getting Bella involved, and banter with each other about the current situation in the woods. Bella expresses concern for Jacob and Paul, and the boys just laugh at her. Score one for them.

They decide that the three of them should go see Emily (Sam’s fiancee) because she’ll have food. Embry drives because Bella looks like she is going to hurl, and he and Jared bet on whether or not she will. Bella is warned beforehand not to stare at Emily, and the three chat on the way to the house, asking how Jacob got around not telling her about the wolf stuff. They tell her about killing Laurent, and eventually stop at a little grey house with ‘cheerful marigolds’ outside.

They go in and Bella sees Emily, who is pretty, but her entire right side is scarred by three long, red scars that run from her face down to her wrist. Emily is rather cold and calls Bella ‘vampire girl,’ and Bella is all, ‘you’re the wolf girl,’ and then they are bff-ers forever. Emily makes delicious muffins and is working on eggs.

Sam comes in and kisses Emily. Bella thinks she will die because of all the love in the room. Jacob and Paul follow soon after, and are joking and laughing, having obviously made up. Sam announces Jacob has info about the vampire situation, so Jacob delivers everything Bella told him. Sam sets out new patterns to lure Victoria in and catch her. Bella is very worried about them facing Victoria, as is Emily. Sam suggests Bella stay in La Push as much as possible because it will hinder Victoria’s hunt. Bella agrees, and the food is ready as they all chow down.

Bella spends the rest of the day at Billy’s house while the pack hunts for vampires. Charlie brings pizza over, and when they get home, Charlie asks about Bella and Jacob because, last he knew, Jacob was in a gang and they weren’t talking. Charlie tells Bella about how Emily was mauled by a bear, but Bella is not so dumb this time and realizes that Sam must have lost his temper.

Bella goes upstairs and wonders whether or not she would still have been in love with Edward if he had been a ‘normal’ vampire and ran around in the forest eating people. She decides she would have, because love is irrational. She then has a dream, but it’s not the normal nightmare. In this dream, she and Emily are holding hands in the forest, waiting for their wolves to come home.

Best Worst Lines

“These were just four really big half-naked boys.” (323)

“Halfway to the ground, there was a loud ripping noise, and the boy exploded.

Dark silver fur blew out from the boy, coalescing into a shape more than five-times his size — a massive, crouched shape, ready to spring.”

“For the second time in one morning, I put my head between my knees.”

“‘Well, the wolf’s out of the bag now.'” (328)

“They’ll meet us back there after Sam gives it to them for what just happened. And after Paul and Jake scrounge up some new clothes, if Paul even has any left.”   (*Snigger.* That sounds dirty.)

“‘So, you’re the vampire girl.’

I stiffened. ‘Yes. Are you the wolf girl?'” (332)

“Emily rolled her good eye.”   (Does anyone else find this mildly inappropriate and offensive?)

“This was worse than any romantic movie; this was so real that it sang out loud with joy and life and true love. I put my muffin down and folded my arms across my empty chest. I stared at the flowers, trying to ignore the utter peace of their moment, and the wretched throbbing of my wounds.”   (Cut down the road, Bella, not across it.)

“‘You’re silly. Hunting vampires is fun. It’s the best part of this whole mess.'” (339)

“‘I thought Jacob was part of a gang and you two were fighting.'”

“What if, during the time I that I’d known him, he’d been just like any other vampire? What if people had been disappearing from the woods, just like now? Would that have kept me away from him?

I shook my head sadly. Love is irrational, I reminded myself. The more you loved someone, the less sense anything made.” (340)   (You’re one to talk, Bella, about things and people making sense.)

I was holding Emily’s scarred hand as we faced into the shadows and waited anxiously for our werewolves to come home.” (341)

Things That Really Irk Us

The fact that the ‘fucking-Indian werewolves’ explode into balls of fur.

The fact that Meyer leaves plot holes such as Embry grabbing Sam’s shoes and pants in the forest, leaving him pantless. Meaning when he gets home he should have no pants on. Nobody draws attention to this fact.

Bella deciding she would still love Edward, even if he were a killer. Does this mean that people would be okay if we were in love with Hannibal Lector (or the creepy guy who makes you put the lotion on your skin and tucks himself in to wear his pretty skin suit?)

Bella being constantly so upset that she is going to vomit. That is not socially acceptable Bulimia. Why doesn’t she do something fun, like poop her pants? Or have bad gas? Then maybe these stupid boys wouldn’t love her.

Also, nothing happens in this chapter, aside from a bunch of food making and exploding into fur balls.

Final Thoughts

The title of this chapter makes us think of the ‘Yip Yips’ from Sesame Street, and now we’re singing this song. We would also like a plot, but considering we are more than half way through this book, we are not holding on to much hope.

Go to Chapter 15.

9 Responses to “14. Family”

  1. I like how Jake fights and the other two guys are like, “Hey dude… lets go get some food.” “Heck yeah, food.” It’s like… what??

    This chapter seems pretty much pointless… but aren’t they all?

    I hope all of this is cut out of the movie… I think Taylor Lautner is hot… but I DO NOT need to see him naked… under any circumstances… or anybody else for that matter. Just, no.

    That like with Bella KILLS me. She and Eddiekins are all lovey dovey ALL the time… but now that he’s gone NOBODY ELSE MAY LOVE! EVER! It hurts that metaphorical hole in her chest TOO much to bear! I find that’s true of a lot of the people who like the series. They’re all LOVE when they have a boyfriend and make out in front of you… and then when they aren’t nobody else may be in love! NOBODY! (With 18 syllables.)

    The Yip Yip song made my cry I was laughing so hard… as just a side note.

  2. Four large, half-naked boys? Are you sure those aren’t my cousins? Especially lurking around in the woods like that? That’s all we do on weekends. Well, me makes five, I guess. But I’m a girl. And anyway, one of my cousins are named Paul. And the spazzy midget one’s Jacob. Now I feel so sorry for them, especially Jacob. Being the weird spazz he is. Heck, I was lurking around with them yesterday, Jacob said “Are you sure that you didn’t forget?” and Paul’s like “Forget what? You’re last brain cell? Harharharhar.” and I’m like “No, I think he forgot his, er, sanity?” and Jacob just gives me this look like “Oh, you know! Yay!” and says “Yes. Paul ate the cheese.” Whoa. I bet he gets crap at school. Especially since we’re all half Native American. And we look like it. But thank God we live in Michigan

  3. Notey note note, ah, maybe I was changing stuff around a bit. Jacob’s a little midget. Paul’s like, seven four. The other two are like five eight and six something. Like I care. And we don’t live in Michigan. But hey, we’re safe away from the Pacific Northwest.

  4. Forgot to comment on this, so wrapped up in the Paul and Jacob in my life. Like mine much better, though.

    “Fucking Indian Werewolves?” That’s a bit racist to me. I’m sorry, I’m a little offended. The term’s Native American….

    But put that behind.
    That fight in there was pointless, ab-so-lute-ly pointless.
    Why does SMeyer write this?
    There are honestly so many chapters that must be fillers.
    And there is no plot.
    I mean, there are so many chapters when nothing happens!
    AB-SO-LUTE-LY Nothing!
    They fight and make food. Thrilling.


    • Actually, these days, the politically correct phrase is “First People,” not “Native Americans” anymore. But that’s beside the point. The “Fucking Indians” comment, while we realize does sound nasty, is a reference back to the beginning of our blogging adventure, when we couldn’t figure out how to pronounce (or spell) “Quileutes.” While reading, we began substituting “The Fucking Name We Can’t Pronounce,” which soon turned into “Fucking Indians.” It’s not meant to be a slur, we promise — just our frustration with SMeyer choosing such a random, hard-to-pronounce-and-spell tribe.

  5. “Charlie tells Bella about how Emily was mauled by a bear, but Bella is not so dumb this time and realizes that Sam must have lost his temper.” List this under “Things That Really Irk Me.” But all the palpable love in the room that makes Bella feel dizzy because of the hollowly aching hole in her chest makes up for the fact that Sam mutilated his girlfriend. Uf. Irritated!

  6. In this chapter, Bella shows obvious signs of autism by putting her head between her knees when upset. This behaviour can be described as a “stereotype”, which is a common reaction for stress by autists. To sum up, Bella is a whiny, depressed, egoistic, mentally retarded autistic bitch. How lovely.

  7. Oh my fucking god.

    Why does this sound so much like a freaking day-time soap opera?

    “My hole burns for you like the surface of thousand burning suns!”

    Will Edward ever come back to Bella? Will she finally come on terms with her hole? Will Emily ever get plastic surgery to fix those scars?

    All this and more will be answered on The Young and The Pantless…

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