3. Motives

Chapter Synopsis

Bella and Edward return from their visit to Jacksonville (what, we get no play-by-play??) whilst Bella plays the conversation she had with her mother over and over in her head. Her mom feels like Bella and Edward’s relationship is weird — that Edward is very overprotective in a creepy, stalkerish way. (Score 1, Renee.)

Claude welcomes the two back, excited not to be in an empty house any more. Bella reassures her daddy-dearest that she is not interested in moving to Florida, and Claude thinks it’s great, since Jacob would miss her so much. Edward is then scowly and pissy. Claude lets Bella know Jacob has called twenty times a day and even nineteen times earlier today to try to talk to Bella… maybe she should — before he can finish, the phone rings and it’s Jacob. Oh wow, didn’t see that one coming.

Jacob is calling because he wants to make sure Bella is okay, and that she’s being herself. The convo is short and abrupt, and Bella realizes Jacob is checking to see if she’s still human because he knows the ‘turn’ is a three-day process, and they were “away” for exactly three days.

When Bella and Edward go to school the next day, Jacob is there waiting for Bella… so she thinks. Edward knows that Jacob really just wants to confront him in public — where better to possibly explode into a giant furby than in front of hundreds of people? But why does he want to confront Edward?

Bella pieces their conversation together and finds out that there was a bit of a tiff between the vampys and the furbies near the fuckin’-Indians’ border, which sort of spat on the treaty. Emmett was involved with Fluffy (Paul — the one who exploded at Bella in the second book) and then Rosalie got involved and there was much barring of teeth between both parties while Victoria pranced away (again). Way to go guys, way to go. 

Jacob and Edward’s tongue lashing continues while they spit out cutesy pet names for each other like “leech” and “mongrel” and Bella just sits on the sidelines as a small crowd gathers. The principal asks Jacob to leave before he is arrested and removed, but Jacob doesn’t want to stir things up with Claude, who has no idea what the hell is going on.

Every class thereafter is full of chatter and bets on who would beat the snot out of whom. Edward and Bella are ‘arguing’ via note-passing in English for three pages while Ed explains the details of the tiff in the woods. Then, as per usual, all is forgiven.

Best Worst Lines

“I sighed. Of course Charlie was waiting to pounce.”

“It felt sort of like homesickness, this longing for the place and person who had sheltered me through my darkest night.

“How I couldn’t be anywhere near people after I’d gone through the painful three-day conversion that would set me free from mortality, so that I could spend eternity with Edward? The conversion that would make me forever a prisoner to my own thirst. . . .”

“I tried to pull myself together, but my eyes were swimming in moisture. I could see it behind my lids — I could see Victoria’s face, her lips pulled back over her teeth, her crimson eyes glowing with the obsession of her vendetta; she held Edward responsible for the demise of her love, James. She wouldn’t stop until his love was taken from him, too.”

“I shoved the note at Edward. He sighed, and then began writing. It took him less time than me, though he wrote an entire paragraph in his own personal calligraphy before he slipped the paper back.”

Things That Really Irk Us

These random plot-ish attempts just keep getting worse and worse. Jacob and Edward hate each other and both love Bella — we get it. Jacob is big and can transform into a giant fuzzball at any moment. Edward is an angry, toothy vampire that looks like a male model, a Greek god, etc. Everyone has long conversations in long rooms with crooked smiles.

Final Thoughts

This book is worse than the other two. If you take the worst parts of book 1 and 2 and melt them together, you get book 3. FOL (Fuck Our Lives).

Go to Chapter 4.

8 Responses to “3. Motives”

  1. Arguing via notes is pretty hilarious. This chaper sems very useless…. as usual.

    His own calligraphy???? What does that even mean?

    It’s really sad that the worst parts of he first two make up this one… WOW.

  2. “I shoved the note at Edward. He sighed, and then began writing. It took him less time than me, though he wrote an entire paragraph in his own personal calligraphy before he slipped the paper back.”

    …wait… what? How is this sentence even deemed necessary? why is it even in there? What in the world is it even talking about? What ever happened to “I shoved the note at Edward. He sighed, and wrote back quickly.”? That’s certainly shorter.

    These things are just full of bad writing. Twilight had some good lines – better when tweaked, but this.. this.. just.. this.

    @Morganne: Spot on, dear. >>.

  3. I’m going to be honest: I get bored reading the SUMMARIES of the chapters. That doesn’t speak well of the ACTUAL BOOK.

    • I couldn’t even finish the New Moon summaries. They were too damn boring! I skipped a few chapters and to my not-so-surprise, I didn’t miss a thing.

      • Damn. We really are trying our best to at least make our summaries snarky. Lol, but yeah… the source material doesn’t offer up much to work with…

  4. LOL sorry. I didn’t mean it the way it sounded. You guys are hilarious and write 10 times better than this book’s author, but the whole series are incredibly boring. It would still sound boring if Stephen King wrote it.

  5. “My eyes were swimming in moisture.” Oh sweet Moses. That is a direct quote? Wow… how does she come up with this dreck? You’ve got to be kidding me.

  6. I’m sorry, i just have to ask this, but what the hell is she on?!

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