Little Things That Really Irk Us

We’ll undoubtedly add to this list the more we see this movie. But here’s what we’ve come up with after the first go-round.

The kiss Bella asks for near the beginning — they both make moaning/grunting noises. WTF? This must be what Edward’s O sounds like. Either that, or he’s just especially hungry.

THEY PUT IN THE MONTHS! Ahhh. This sequence is unnecessarily long. And predictable. Oooo, they’re going to show the changing of the seasons out the window! Lame. We were wondering how they’d differentiate between December and January, but they were unimaginative and decided to just leave January out altogether so they wouldn’t have to get creative.

Bella’s nightmares. Which we are alerted to by her ridiculous screams during the night while she writhes and clutches at her sheets. Is this where the holes (the holessssss!) are ripping through her vital organs? It must be, because nobody screams like that while asleep if they’re not also being stabbed (or perhaps bitten or clawed?) to death.

Jacob’s long wig. It’s only marginally better than the one in the last movie. Marginally.

Jessica is more annoying in this movie than she ever was in the books.

Mike Newton in general. “Gotta get that protein in ya!” (No, Mike Newton, Bella doesn’t want any of YOUR protein.)

Bella talking all up in everybody’s face. She keeps telling Jake she doesn’t like him LIKE THAT, but then is constantly almost sitting in his lap and breathing on him.

Bella cliff diving and seeing Edward upside down in the ocean. Seriously? Jacob should have let her drown.

Victoria causing Harry’s heart attack. Good idea to tie things together, we suppose, but it’s done poorly. Especially the part where the werewolves chase her.

The abrupt transition to Italy is almost as poorly done here as it is in the book.

Bella in the yellow Porsche — she sounds like she’s going into labor. Seriously, KStew, those are not anxious, worried sounds. Those are I’m-going-to-pop-a-baby-out-my-vag sounds. Which, we know, Bella never does.

Edward sparkling all over the place… with his little happy trail… BAHAHAHAHA. And putting on that nifty velvet red robe in Volterra. What happened to his shirt? Is the robe supposed to make the “fight” scene more intense as it swishes around?

Caius.  From what we remember, he’s supposed to look ancient and mean and brittle. Not like a reject from the Malfoy family.

WHAT is Alice wearing throughout most of this movie???

Alice’s “vision” that she shares with Aro of a sparkly Bella and Edward frolicking through the woods. This was so ridiculous that even some of the tweenies in the audience snorted with laughter.

What’s with the, “I love you, Jake. But don’t make me choose. I’ll pick him” line at the end? Talk about sending mixed signals!

The ending. Edward needs to learn how to not take five million years to get a sentence out. And, is “Marry me” really the best they could come up with? Really? Is that supposed to be a cliffhanger?

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18 Responses to “Little Things That Really Irk Us”

  1. I agree with SO much of this as usual, but mostly the snorting sounds Bella makes. Especially when she’s having her “nightmares” NOBODY DOES THAT! Soo Wee pig, pig, pig. Seriously.

    Also the vision had me crying I was laughing so hard. WHAT WAS THAT???? I so hope they do JUST that in the 4th movie. It would be hilarious.

    Seeing as all of the fangirls KNOW WHAT’S COMING that “cliffhanger” seemed very pointless. They only have to wait 8 months besides! Think of how us Star Wars fans felt in the 80s when we had to wait 2 YEARS for Return of the Jedi to come out!!!! NOW THAT was a cliff hanger.

  2. I know, I couldnt stand it when Edward took off his shirt I mean is it really nessesary we get it you have hair issues. Instead of asking Bella to marry him he should of just asked for some nair hair removal cream for christmas. The ‘vision’ scene/part was tacky. I mean I thought this was the ‘future’ only two year ahead. Why are they dressed like there in the early 1900’s and could they at least try to make her look pretty I was under the impresson she got better looking when she was turned. I have nothing against her I acutally sorta like her in ‘into the wild’ and ‘adventureland’ so I’m no juzt a jealous fangirl because I am definitly Team Emmett btw how come they dont have Team Emmett t-shirts and crap.

  3. Thanks for taking a giant one for the team, not only with the movie (which I’m sure was bad enough) but with the whole website. You ladies are doing God’s work so the rest of us don’t have to fill our minds with this nonsense. Bless you both!

  4. …so is it worth watching for the laughs or just because I’ve watched the first one?

    or should i just avoid it at all costs?

  5. I think Bella was supposed to be giving birth to Renesmee in that scene. It was a sneak peek into Breaking Dawn. Although, I can’t really talk, since I didn’t actually see the movie (thank goodness)

  6. I don’t really remember what all happens in the movie (thankfully I suppose haha) but Edward taking his shirt off made me feel sick…..my boyfriend and I were laughing during most of the movie. But through the entire movie during the supposed “sad parts” the people behind us were crying. Apparently one of them was crying the whole time. At the end I was looking back to see who they were, expecting tweenies. Nope. Middle aged women. Three of them. I have yet to understand why this series has gripped the vast majority of the female population (tweenies and middle-aged women in particular) and why everyone is so obsessed with it. It kills me. If you must be obsessed, at least obsess over a GOOD series with a PLOT and CHARACTER GROWTH. The last one gets my boyfriend. There’s no character growth, except MAYBE Jacob…maybe…(shrugs)

  7. I went to see the movie with my friend just to release the snarky comments. Best part was, everybody was okay with it (minus these two girls who got mad at us at the end of the movie) Best Moments of the Film were as follows

    -Evil Vampire walks out into the field-
    Random Black Dude: OH SHIT!
    -Theater Laughs-

    -Bella Hits head on cliff wall-
    Me: Well that wasn’t very smart now was it?
    -People Giggle-

    -Edward Shirtless-
    -Theater in an uproar-
    Random Person: PUT A SHIT ON!
    Nother person: FOR GODS SAKE SHAVE!

    You just have to love some theaters xD

    • Hallelujia XD Girls at MY theater were screaming as if their precious Robbie-poo would come eat them out.

  8. Oh man. I watched this movie only to get to the scene when Bella & Eddie sparkle happily together. I was kinda worth it – the actual sparkling was hard to point out, but the scene was so unbearably, irrevocably, unbelievably lame. The second worst part was the conversation with Aro, who acted like a robotic version of Gríma Wormtongue. And the worst part was Bella. And Edward. Oh yes, and Jacob.

  9. they made an ‘epic battle scene’ that was supposed to be exciting and dramaticc.
    and they had him wear a bathrobe.
    FAIL.

    • At least he had something on in that scene. He was disgusting enough with his chest (and face) exposed. But you’re right, it was damn ridiculous.

  10. I watched the Alice and Aro’s vision in YouTube…
    Only thing to say: LOL. 😀

    But really… What the heck? Are they really serious? O__o

    I’m beginning to suspect Twilight is REALLY a big joke, not only creation of stupid people (and peoples, when we are talking about movies). Maybe it’s some kind of test to look how stupid peoples are?

    • I spent a while thinking, and have concluded that the Ministry of Magic has created this series as a way to distract the Muggle world from knowledge of wizards (knowledge exposed by JKR), but has only succeeded in enchanting teenage girls.

      • While that is a smart idea, I’d hate to think that anyone in the Ministry of Magic can write that poorly, even on purpose.

  11. me, my sister, and my friend burst out in laughter during Alice and Aro’s vision…we just couldn’t help ourselves…that scene was just too ridiculous and stupid!

    ~Regningdag

  12. What about how Bella was acting when her Eddikins is being hurt? Why doesn’t she try to help him? All she does is stand there and say “No please”….No Bella please go away now…..

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