29. Defection

Chapter Synopsis

Our already sallow looking vampires find themselves sitting (perfectly still) in horror and grief, waiting for Alice to come back. Retelling the story of the Volturi and Alice’s vision to Jacob is no sparklepire baseball game in the glory of a thunderstorm. The wolves — all of them — are readying themselves for the fight.

As the sun breaks through and the Cullens sparkle, their insides are not so pretty… Edward bites his lip nervously and says her name aloud, as if trying to remember her (yea… we’re pretty good at mimicking SMeyer’s writing). Alice is taking forever, when she’s usually all quick and pixie-like. Then suddenly, Emmett curses, Jacob growls, and the pack howls from the lawn. The Cullens leave Renesmee with Jacob and go out in search of Alice. They follow Alice and Jasper’s scent trail to the Quileute border.

Sam is waiting for them at the border, and explains that he allowed Alice and Jasper to cross the land to the ocean, where they went for a nice, cool, relatively lengthy swim. He swore not to tell Jacob until he told the Cullen family, and he gives them a note… Alice and Jasper are leaving the Cullens… for good.

Sam tries to rip Alice and Jasper a new one while they aren’t there to defend themselves, but Carlizzle chimes in and points out that sparklepires still have their free will — unlike those smelly dogs that can’t sparkle in the buttery sunshine! Then ALL of the Cullens start weeping, and Bella realizes how such a strong family bond can be broken by one person and how, without Alice and Jasper at their side during the fight, they will all be doomed.

Bella also makes note that Alice’s letter is written on a page of The Merchant of Venice — Bella’s copy of The Merchant of Venice, no less. That bitch. How will Bella ever know how it ends now?

On the way back, Esme picks up a different fresh trail that’s just Alice’s scent, not Jasper’s. Bella and Edward decide to follow it. It leads to the cottage, and Bella begs to go in alone. She knows the choice of Alice’s letter paper was no accident. And, lo and behold, there’s a secret note for Bella, left in her copy of The Merchant of Venice. It simply has a name (J. Jenks) and address in Seattle on it, with orders to destroy the book once she reads it. Bella follows the instructions, well aware of the fact that Alice left her a note because Edward could not read her thoughts. (Nice foresight, SMeyer…NOT.)

In the end, all of the Cullens are splitting up into teams: Edward and Bella will chill out and start introducing Renesmee to other sparklepires, which the other family members will send to the house. Rose and Emmett are going to hunt some nomads, and Carlizzle and Esme’s plans are never really revealed — except that they took off in shirts that “backpackers used for long trips.” Everyone splits up.

Jacob is psyched. He gets to spend time with Renesmee! Or so he thinks. Edward tells him it’s unsafe to hang with all these other vampies who do not hold the sanctity of human (or werewolf) life to quite as high a standard as the Cullens or Tanya’s clan. Jacob can stay until the next afternoon, but then he has to leave Bella and Eddie-kins’ kid behind so they can try to play the parental role for once. Jacob accepts this, and goes to share the news about what is happening with Sam and the pack.

Best Worst Lines

“We were all at our limits — frenzied into absolute stillness.”   (Because when you’re frenzied, you are absolutely still?)

“My face felt permanently set into the fixed mask it had worn all night. I wasn’t sure I had the ability to smile anymore.”   (Did you ever really smile, Bella? No.)

“The bright morning air seemed thicker suddenly, blacker, as if physically darkened by my despair.”

“Edward’s expression was stiff — to Sam it probably looked angry or arrogant, but I could see the shape of pain in the hard planes of his face.”   (Pain has a shape… similar to the one you make when you’re having a difficult poo.)

“Sam looked at Carlisle with a softer expression. ‘As Edward pointed out, we don’t have the same kind of freedom that you have. Renesmee is as much as part of our family now as she is yours. Jacob cannot abandon her, and we cannot abandon him.’ His eyes flickered to Alice’s note, and his lips pressed into a thin line.

‘You don’t know her,’ Edward said.

‘Do you?’ Sam asked bluntly.”   (Edward Cullen — PWNED!)

“I didn’t know how to cry in this body; I couldn’t do anything but stare. There was no feeling yet.” (560)

“We would fight, they would fight, and we all would die.” (561)

“I understood without more explanation than that. I thought of being divided from him now and realized I would have felt the same pain, no matter how short the separation.”

“While they were talking, I wandered toward the back windows, trying to look distracted and anxious. Not a difficult thing to do.”

“I felt my face working, trying to find the expression that went with the grief inside. My eyes felt strange and dry; they blinked against the uncomfortable feeling. I bit my lip. When I took my next breath, the air hitched in my throat, like I was choking on it. Renesmee pulled back to look at me, and I saw my face mirrored in her thoughts and in her eyes. I looked like Esme had this morning. So this was what it felt like to cry.” (571)   (Riiiight. Because you’ve NEVER cried before and it must feel SO different than human crying. Right? Ya know — the tears are COLD instead of HOT. Jeez.)

Things That Really Irk Us

How the big twist in the story is the most abrupt, random-ass occurrence one could ever imagine because SMeyer is obviously grasping at straws trying to finish this POS book.

There are a series of deep, soul-searching questions throughout this chapter that Bella asks herself that have NOTHING to do with ANYTHING going on in the chapter. It’s just this sort of random and ‘deep’ stream of consciousness that SMeyer must have felt the need to insert to feel more like an intellectual. Example:

“Alice’s note did not make me hopeful. If there were any way to avoid the coming slaughter, Alice would have stayed. I couldn’t see another possibility. So it was something else she was giving me. Not a way to escape. But what else would she think that I wanted? Maybe a way to salvage something? Was there anything I could still save?” (564)   (What would even possess Bella to think this?)

Bella is still a whiney bitch. Throughout the entire chapter she’s all “oh, wah-fuckin-wah, we’re all going to die in a month’s time so FUCK IT! Let’s act like parents to our baby for a bit!” Ugh.

Final Thoughts

We cannot WAIT for this fighting sequence. We wonder if they’ll use Renesmee as some kind of rocket-baby sparklepire-launcher. SWEET.

Go to Chapter 30.